Notes on The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer

I heard about The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp via Matt Mochary, the author of The Great CEO Within. I finally had a chance to read it and learned a lot from it.

I liked how it split each leadership concept by above or below "the line" behaviors and how the concept manifests. The book also reminded me of many others I've read about meditation, mindfulness, and the application of those to leadership and work. It was also eye-opening to consider which of the 15 I'm ok at and which I really struggle with and can work on improving.

Below are my main takeaways and notes on the book. I highly recommend it.

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​Intro

preface
Conscious vs unconscious leadership examples 

Leading from above the line
Below the line unconscious, defensive, being right
Above the line conscious, curious, learning
Content vs context (how)
Unconscious leaders reactive
4 ways of leading in the world. Not stages of development 
To me
Why events happening to me and how to fix
Blaming 
By me
What can I learn from this
Everything happening as it should 
Taking responsibility 
Through me
Opening to another, universe, presence
Purpose and vision
Listening attentively
What is biggest idea in itself that wants to manifest through me and the org
Surrender and letting go of control
As me
Oneness
Nonduality
Absence of personal me
No more questions, seeking, suffering
Focus on transition from to me to by me first

Commitment 1: taking radical responsibility 
Default is blaming
Toxic fear
Self blame is not taking responsibility
What can I learn from this?
World should be a certain way vs world just shows up
Rigidity and close mindedness vs curiosity, learning, wonder
Encouraging others to be fully responsible for own lives
Learning vs being right or blaming
When situations (not problems) arise, default thought should be “what can I learn from this?”
How did I create this situation?
Taking 100% responsibility worksheet

Commitment 2: learning through curiosity
Self awareness
Learning agility
Influence
Ask self where am I? Above or below the line
Drift/shift model
Present vs not
Something happens and we drift out of presence
Drifting: procrastinating, below line activities, wasting time
Everyone drifts. Question is for how long before you shift
Am I willing to shift?
Shifting
Requires practice
Shift blood chemistry and shift consciousness
Conscious breathing shifts blood chemistry
4 deep inhales and exhales (4 seconds each)
Shift posture to open 
Shift move: wonder
Open ended curiosity
Ask open ended question
I wonder what outrageous customer service would look like
I wonder what I can learn today
Dedication to self awareness
Know what don’t know
Feedback gives us info
Commitment in action
Commit to learning over being right
Choose curiosity and wonder

Commitment 3: feeling all my feelings
Feel them deeply all the way through instead of repress or avoid
Feelings and emotions just occur and don’t define us
Anger, fear, sadness, joy primary emotions
Identify where the feeling is in the body
Releasing emotion
Identify where in body what is happening
Breathe
Allow, accept, appreciate the sensation 
Match your experience with your expression 
If this sensation could make a sound, what would it be?
Wisdom of feelings
What was no longer in service of you
What is something you need to look at which may not be
Practicing this commitment
Stop throughout day and ask what feeling right now
Don’t analyze it or ask why
Pause and locate sensation and what it’s doing

Commitment 4: speaking candidly
Reveal or conceal
Reveal our judgments to reveal ourselves, not because we are right
I noticed that I had a judgment that you treated me disrespectfully when x happened. My desire is simply to let you know; I don’t need to be right about it. I wanted to reveal myself so you can know me and so we have the possibility of a connected relationship
Own versus project. What we feel reveals about us
Agree on commitment to candor with those around you
Don’t practice candor to change the other person
3 circles of candor
Truth: accuracy of what you reveal 
Openness: how much you reveal 
Awareness: self awareness of your situation
Listen to your complaints about others and ask how is this true about me
Speaking unarguably: reveal what is unarguable
Thoughts
Feelings
I’m having a thought that we should find a new head of marketing
No attachment to being right about it
I feel x feeling
I’m having a body sensation of x
Leaders operating from fear or love. Candor is speaking from love. How do I speak all of my truth in most loving way possible?
Conscious listening
Don’t listen with filters like “how to fix” filter or “how to diagnose” filter
Listen to the emotions and reflect back and confirm you heard right

Commitment 5 eliminating gossip
Statement about another they wouldn’t share in the same way if the other were in the room
Listener of gossip responsible too
Is it gossip
Is there any negative intent?
Would you be willing to speak directly to them about it in the exact same way?
How to clean up gossip
Reveal to those whom you have been speaking about, to whom you have been speaking, and from whom you have been listening 
Sample script in book
Lay out all facts on table and encourage the expression of stories which we make up about the facts but none of which are true
Facts don’t cause stress. Stories do. 
Hold your story lightly and own that it’s yours
Clearing model
Distinguish facts from stories
Being clear means you no longer have any unexpressed facts or stories or desires
Facts are what a video camera would record
What I hear you saying is
Is there more? With curiosity and open heart
Are you clear?

Commitment 6 practicing integrity
Wholeness
Congruence
Alignment 
Impeccable agreements
Making clear agreements
Who will do what by when and get back to you
Need agreement from other side. Whole body yes
Keeping track of agreements
Getting things done method
Keeping your agreements
90% completion rate
Renegotiate agreements
As soon as you realize you won’t keep an agreement, communicate directly with affected parties and renegotiate 
Change scope
Change what to be done
Change deadline
Renegotiate less than 10% of what you commit to
Cleaning up broken agreements
Don’t need to explain
Just take full responsibility and ask to repair trust
Ask if anything can be done to clean up the broken agreement
What have I unfelt that I should feel
What have I unsaid that I should say
What have I been withhholding
Have I kept all my agreements with x person
Have I been blaming others about x
Am I to blame about

Commitment 7 generating appreciation 
Giving and receiving appreciation fully vs entitlement
Sensitive awareness
Treat appreciation like a gift
Need to give 5 positive comments for 1 negative one for relationship to grow
Key elements
Sincerity
Unarguable truth
Specificity
Succinct language 
Word cloud of appreciation per person
Culture exercise in book

Commitment 8 excelling in your zone of genius
Zone of incompetence
Zone of competence
Lack of fulfillment
Zone of excellence
Safe
Costs you energy
Feels like work
Zone of genius
State of flow and fun
Fear holds you back
Befriend your upper limits
Integrate new experiences
Genius mail exercise in book
Best self exercise in book
Review calendar and rate each activity as increasing or decreasing energy and time spent on each
Delegate, dump, or do differently each

Commitment 9 living the life of play and rest
Play, improv, laughter vs hard work and struggle
Yes and. Adapting
Exertion vs effort
Styles of play
Persona play

Commitment 10 exploring the opposite 
When you don’t believe your thoughts, you stop suffering
Experience opposite of your thoughts
Who would you be without that thought 
Would you rather be right or free
Remain unattached to any outcome 
Byron Katie do the work 

Commitment 11 sourcing approval, control, and security 
Source these internally or externally 
What is the core want driving this and is it coming from out there and if only
Could I let this wanting go?
What if everything perfect now and nothing missing?
Sedona method

Commitment 12 having enough of everything 
Sufficiency not scarcity
More is better myth
Scarcity and comparison 
Book the soul of money
Sufficiency meditation 
Notice abundance of each moment

Commitment 13 experience the world as ally
All people and circumstances there to teach me vs obstacles 
What could you learn from this situation or person

Commitment 14 creating win for all solutions
Get candid
Create many possible solutions

Commitment 15 being the resolution
Be the solution in the world
To me vs by me
Seeing what is missing
Invitation
Whole body yes to invitation
Change formula
What’s at risk if I change