I had been reading Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone for several months now, slowly making progress through it on my Kindle for iPhone while waiting in line, doing errands, etc. I finally finished it last week and am happy to report my biggest takeaways from the book.

Overall, the book is pretty famous and has been around for a while. I feel that many of its core lessons have spread widely and are now much of the foundation in a lot of the networking literature and how-to guides out there (including what is taught at UCLA Anderson and its career center). This is a good thing, as much of the philosophy in the book makes sense.

The overall lesson is that success in business and in life revolves around relationships, and one can improve one's skills in relationship building and maintaining through discipline and practice.

Here are my personal biggest takeaways from the book:

1. Active Conferencing. This is sort of a term I came up with in the same vein as "active listening." Normally, people (myself included) go to conferences to sit back, listen, and learn; it's a pretty passive experience (though it involves thinking and remembering). What the author recommends is quite the opposite.
   
   He said the main value in conferences is in the people you meet and connections and joint experiences you create. The actual talks and sessions are second priority. He likes to volunteer at conferences, get attendee lists ahead of time, researching who's coming and where they'll be at the conference in order to "run into" them. He'll even set up his own mini-conferences or pre- or post-conference dinners or get togethers for certain select invitees so he can create his own networking group out of the conference. For instance, he'll get the names and contacts of people he wants to meet in addition to people he already knows and invite them all to a separate mini-conference within the conference, just for that small group. This allows invaluable opportunities to get to know new people and to create a warm introduction to them through the people he already knows. It also establishes him as a central part of the social environment and a go-to person for networking in general. This seems really smart to me but definitely takes a lot of work.
   
   
2. Fun networking dinners. Sort of like the mini-conferences, these would be dinners that the author would host in his home every few months, inviting a diverse group of fun, interesting people just to hang out. He'd have long-time friends who would provide him with social proof, semi-celebrities to build buzz and excitement about the dinners and create demand to go to them, and people he wanted to meet and get to know for his own personal or business reasons as well. This mix of people would provide for a fun evening as well as very valuable networking for both himself and his attendees. He'd even spice it up sometimes by hiring performers, bartenders, musicians, etc. This also seems like a great idea to me. When do you all think I should do my first dinner?
   
   
3. Building a personal brand. This is a now-commonplace concept, but the author does a great job in his book in providing many creative ways to get this done. He advocates, for example, learning a field in depth that's interesting to you and producing valuable content of your own for others about it. The key is that you don't have to be a world-class expert; you just need to know more than those in your target audience or peer group. As long as you know something others don't and can write decently about it, you can be producing content others value. This builds your reputation and personal brand and establishes you as somewhat of a thought leader or at least resource others can turn to for new knowledge.
   
   
4. Pinging. With this term, the author is referring to the practice of staying top-of-mind with the people you care about and checking in regularly with everyone in your network. I was impressed to read about how the author spends full taxi rides around the city doing phone call after phone call of birthday wishes or quick check-in voicemails. This obviously takes a lot of organization and discipline but can be accomplished pretty simply once you get into the habit of setting up tasks/reminders or using some social CRM software like Gist, Ming.ly, or Rapportive. This is definitely an area where I could personally improve a lot.
   
   
5. Mentoring. This is a valuable practice both for the mentor and the mentee; it is only such mutually-beneficial relationships that are long lasting. The value comes both from sharing networks with each other but also from learning how to better network in the first place. The key that any mentee must communicate when asking for a mentorship is what the mentee will provide to the mentor and how the mentee will be diligent and responsible in the relationship.
   
   
6. Clubs and community. These are two ways that one can expand one's network exponentially but also give something back. In joining a club of any kind, one immediately has access to new people and can make new friendships with little uphill battle. Some of the most powerful social networks still in existence are formed around clubs (albeit restricted ones).
   
   In terms of community, getting involved with some volunteering effort or running for public office (which the author attempted to do) can similarly greatly expand one's network. Volunteering and doing things for one's community can rarely be done without getting to know all the influential people in one's area. In addition to connections you can make, you also show others that you care and are a person they can turn to when they need assistance or are looking for a referral for someone else.
   
   
7. Don't be proud, and have fun. Lastly, the author did a great job of being brutally honest about his mistakes and course corrections throughout his own learning process. He made it clear how he was an introvert and bad networker at first and learned the ropes through a lot of hard work. When he had some upward momentum (even getting access to exclusive clubs and celebrities), he began to be proud, boastful, even dropping names. This quickly back-fired, and he realized that this pride was self-destructive.
   
   On a positive note, he encouraged everyone to find simple things they are passionate about and form networks around it, meeting new people and bringing old networks into new activities. The author described how he loves finding new exotic restaurants and fun exercise routines; he regularly invites business contacts to go to his favorite boot camp workout class or for some crazy new ethnic food. This not only provides lots of bonding and shared fun but demonstrates several positive characteristics about the author in a subtle way. This was neat to hear and inspires me to want to merge certain professional and personal contacts through shared, fun activities.

The book was definitely enjoyable, easy to read, and useful, and I look forward to trying out some of its recommendations soon.

It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath. --Aeschylus

I've been attending many networking events recently and pushing myself to improve in this important business function. I'm naturally a more quiet, shy person, so getting out there and really making strong connections to new people takes a lot of effort and discipline on my behalf.

I've been learning many sides to doing this properly, such as overcoming shyness and proper voice and presentation skills. I've also been reading some of the famous networking books, like Dig Your Well Before You're Thirsty. The information below comes from a variety of sources and my own synthesizing to bring out what matters most to me when I aim to interact effectively with others and how I enjoy others interacting with me.


Curiosity

A lot of my own inertia when it comes to networking is a result of nerves or shyness. I see others talking, and I feel like I shouldn't intrude. A second source of insecurity comes from wondering what to talk about.

A great way to get over both of these points and to be genuinely present in the moment when approaching others is having a strong sense of curiosity -- for the other person, their background, their skills, and any serendipitous connections that can result from your meeting them. You can be curious about where they come from, what difficulties they've overcome, and also how you fit in with their life, such as if you can help them in some way or give them some important advice. I honestly believe that there is something unique, special, and significant about every single human being out there and that every person (and animal) can teach me something useful that I didn't know before. This makes it easy for me to enjoy spending time with people who may not be of any "value" to me now but whom I can simply get to know and learn about and someday perhaps give assist or be assisted by.

By coming from the position of being really interested in meeting and learning as much as you can about all other people around you, it will be much easier to approach them and find topics of conversation.

Note that this is often not the way even gregarious networkers approach the situation. Often people come to meet you who are only interested in learning whether you are "high up" and can somehow help them, or if you have something they need. This frame of mind leads to a much poorer conversation and leaves a much worse taste in the other person's mouth. By coming instead from a frame of mind of curiosity, giving, and reciprocity, you can have a much more enjoyable and effective conversation.


Attention

I'm sure everyone has had this happen to them: You meet someone new at a cocktail reception; you ask them about themselves and listen carefully; then they ask you about your background, and as soon you start speaking, they are looking around the room and not hearing a word you're saying. It's extremely frustrating and a waste of time and breath. I've caught myself looking around the room at times and always stop myself when I notice this. At those moments, I ask myself why it is that I'm looking around and whether it's something about my not wanting to talk to this person or my being interested in something else. As soon  as I realize that there is a lot to be curious about in the other person, I can quickly snap back and pay attention without interruption from that point on.

The most common reason why I might start paying less attention to someone is if I don't understand a lot about what they're talking about. If someone is talking about something that's interesting to me or about my field or career, I won't have trouble paying attention. Instead of letting my attention wander when it's a subject I don't know much about (or terminology I'm not familiar with), I can use the opportunity to learn about something new and ask questions. There is the fear of looking stupid by asking a dumb question, but I think it's much better to show interest, even if on a basic/naive level about a new field, than to stop paying attention.

Paying attention to someone through active listening, eye contact, repeating what you've understood or heard, not interrupting, and asking intelligent questions afterward is an essential type of respect in all interactions.


Following Up

This point can be boiled down to "just do what you promise." It is similar to the points I made about phone calls and emails: when you tell someone you will do something, just do it.

This is especially important when networking. A big part of networking is helping each other, and it's very hard to help someone or feel dependable if you make too many commitments or just forget to follow through. When you meet someone whom you can genuinely help, it's not only your responsibility to offer them assistance but to also see to it that you help them and contact them after the event is through.

As soon as I get someone's business card, if I owe them anything or have any further questions or things to discuss, I note it down on their card (or in my phone). Then, when I get home, I shoot off the necessary emails or set up the right tasks on my to-do list (in addition to adding them to my contact list). With so few people who follow up thoroughly after meetings, you can really set yourself apart by being proactive in this regard and showing people that you care.