Notes on Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

My wife and I went on a few long road trips recently, and we passed the time in the car listening together to the audio version of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg. The book ended up sparking a number of deep conversations and questions, and Suzanne even took notes! Through the process, I learned a lot about my wife, the perspective of professional women, and what implicit biases I personally have.

I liked how Sheryl was very realistic and honest about her own struggles and the (sometimes blatant) discrimination she faced and which others routinely face. I liked how she gave concrete examples/scripts and shared a lot of meaningful personal details.

I learned to appreciate much more how hard my wife works to achieve her goals and gain respect in ways that men receive a lot more by default in professional settings. I understood much more deeply the difficulty of balancing work and family life for a woman, and I really liked Sheryl's tips for professional couples. I saw my wife learning a lot from Sheryl's example and feeling like she's not alone in many of the feelings she has, like "imposter syndrome" (which I share too) and struggling against the default stance of not leaning in when there are risks. I learned some new ideas and models for how a couple can raise a family while also pursuing meaningful goals as independent adults. I also recognized better the role I can play in supporting her and pushing her to go after her dreams and believe in herself.

Below were our biggest takeaways from the book. I feel lucky to have Suzanne in my life and to have been able to share this experience with her, learning about each other and the world around us.

1. What would you do if you weren't afraid?
   
2. Imposter syndrome
   
3. Fake confidence till you make it.
   
4. Sit at the table. Raise your hand. Be heard.
   
5. Bargain for salary; don't wait for others to set it.
   
6. Don't feel like you don't have the knowledge/experience/etc. to do something
   
7. Challenge yourself. If you keep doing things that are easy for you, you will never grow.
   
8. 18 month plan and long term plan
   
9. Don't need to know now what you will do for rest of life.
   
10. Family raising with idea that you should do something meaningful with life
    
11. Take risks.
    
12. Choose job with greatest growth potential. In medicine, choose job where your skills are most needed, not where it is over saturated.
    
13. Don't be afraid to fail in order to learn something. Set goals about what you will learn, push yourself to do things you are weak in.
    
14. For women, when negotiating job, talk about collective good (for women, for company, for mission).
    
15. When negotiating as woman, be nice but insistent.
    
16. When trying to get a new job, ask what is the organization's biggest problem and offer to solve it (rather than focusing on own skills).
    

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