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Readings and musings

Notes on Click by Ori and Rom Brafman

6/12/2011

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A book I recently finished reading (which was similar in many ways to the HR course I was taking at the time) is Click: The Magic of Instant Connections by Ori and Rom Brafman. I really enjoyed the stories that were at the center of each chapter, and I learned a lot of non-intuitive things about how to create environments that allow people to click and form closer connections. Below are my biggest takeaways from each chapter.

Ch. 1: Finding Magic
  • Throughout out life, many experience mysterious moments of immediate, deep connection.
  • Can be monitored scientifically: dopamine is often released in the brain during these moments.
Ch. 2: The Vulnerable Hostage Negotiator
  • Has to form instant connection to criminal
  • Casual touch and eye contact create attraction
  • Pheromones/smells work in scientific studies. These affect the primitive brain.
  • Book focuses on click "accelerators" (behaviors or environments that increase clicking).
  • One of these is vulnerability.
  • Stanford GSB "touchy feely" groups (class on interpersonal dynamics)
  • Levels of conversations: 1) phatic, 2) factual, 3) evaluative, 4) gut level (feelings), 5) peak statements (innermost).
  • 1-3: transactional
  • 4-5: connective
  • Raising language level creates click.
  • Connections last a long time, way beyond initial encounter (scientific studies back this).
  • Powerful way to create vulnerability: share story of loss.
  • Sexual self-disclosure and general self-disclosure powerful
  • People even can consider a computer as vulnerable when it pours out more information about itself.
  • Clinton showed vulnerability on talk shows, increased his ratings.
Ch. 3: The Power of Proximity
  • Clicked team performs better than individuals.
  • Proximity creates click that goes away dramatically with distance.
  • Whom you sit next to is the most important factor.
  • Exponential attraction
  • Those in center of apartment building have more friends (college study).
  • Collaboration 25 times more in same room than other floor
  • Spontaneous communication is part of reason for exponential attraction.
  • Telecommuting much worse
  • Fleeting informal convos nurture relationship.
  • Passive contacts to others still increase likeability. People who attended more class sessions in college (even if never interacted with others) were found more likeable in a college study.
Ch. 4: When Everything Clicks
  • Resonance, flow, being present
  • Intentionality: purpose and conscious awareness
  • Mutuality: open and available to meet other person
  • Individuality: authentic and aware of self
  • Attentiveness: active listening
  • Mirror neurons fire when watching someone else working; seeing another in flow creates flow and connection.
Ch. 5: Seductive Power of Similarity
  • Story of two people who met online purely because shared same first and last name and ended up getting married
  • What matters is not the significance of similarities but the number of them; insignificant commonalities still add up.
  • Shared first name or birthday increases donations people will give to strangers (from published study).
Ch. 6: Fire Combat and Nathan's Living Room: The Role of Place
  • Industrialization promotes depression, suicide even when standard of living improves.
  • Shared adversity creates connection.
  • Wilderness camps for kids with behavioral issues helps because they endure adversity together.
  • Navajo sweat lodges (ceremony to endure heat)
  • Facing combat together
  • Clearly defined and framed community
  • Kibbutz (neat tie to Start-Up Nation, which I recently posted about)
Ch. 7: Naturals
  • Self monitoring and matching demeanor to environment or other person
  • Careers advance faster
  • Bond faster with others
Ch. 8: Personal Elevation
  • When we click, we become our best selves.
  • Chemistry between decrypters of Mayan language allowed them to achieve progress decades of researchers could not.
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