Notes on Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber

The second book by Magda Gerber about her RIE approach to parenting that I just finished is Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities -- From the Very Start. I found a lot of overlap between this one and Dear Parent, but it was still helpful to hear all the examples of parents putting the concepts into practice. I also appreciated all the background about the origins of RIE and the Stanford DIP, which I didn't know about.


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​Part 1 how RIE can help your baby

1 respect
Allow time to do things in his way
Love and consideration
Treat as honored guest
Let him be
Value what does

Basic principles
Trust in child as initiator
Safe and challenging environment
Time for uninterrupted play
Freedom to interact with other infants
Involve child as active participant in caregiving
Sensitive observation
Consistent limits and expectations

2 birth of RIE
Pikler method
Freedom of development
Stanford DIP

Part 2 your baby through life

3 newborn
Observe
Quiet and calm 
Slow
Predictable day schedule
Talk to child in normal voice
Ideal is parent staying home
Calm environment 
Mostly staying home
Second crib outside
No need for caregiver there at all times
Baby monitor
Don't need toys or manual stimulation
No mobile
No boredom
Sleep alone in crib
Sleep sack
No toys in crib
Comfort object optional
Tell baby bedtime routine
Put to bed before overtired
Lullaby and feed and put down awake
No rocking chair for sleep
Involve and talk through diaper change as quality time
Wants something quality vs wants nothing quality time
No goal for child. Simply being while child explores. Allow crying and don't distract away. 
You're crying. What's the matter?
Carrier prevents movement 
Self soothing
Thumb better than paci

4 newborn parents
Ask for help
Doula for mom
Try to do less
First 2.5 years stay at home in peace
Allow child to cry
Acknowledge desire but enforce rule
Babysitting exchanges with other parents
Time for uninterrupted play without u

5 first months
Ask for cooperation 
Feed each item separately 
If you thrown out of play area it stays here
Don't bring child to bathroom with u
Put to bed by 6 or 7 at latest
Put to bed before tired
Rest
Tell child bedtime routine sequence
Offer choice of transitional object
Tell transitional object what you want your child to do for bedtime routine
Tell child you are tired too
Recapture day at end including what may not have seemed important
Can mention what will happen tomorrow
Read soothing stories
Goodnight moon
Put in crib awake and learn to self soothe
Ferber solve child sleep problems
Respond minimally at night
Nap time same approach
Make your life easier
Simple clear statements and tone
Don't give choice or ask question when it's not a choice
Arrange day around child eating and sleeping habits
Let child have child's life

Make clothing comfortable
Not about pretty or cute
Bare feet as much as possible
Naked for part of the day
Completely safe room
Natural play environment
Outdoor play best
Stroller walk fine for nonmobile child
Neatly organized
Simple objects like boxes or bells
Large scarves
Large containers
Stacking toys
Whiffle balls
Blocks crayons and clay
Let child discover how to play with toys himself 
Don't solve problems for child
Do minimum when helping
Leave alone for gradually longer
Mirror too complicated for child
Don't need praise for actions during play. Ok to smile or express feelings. 
Good in good job is a moral judgment of the person
Thank rather than praise for good behavior

Reflecting is support
Comments on child's actions. You pulled those beads apart and that was really hard. 
Just smile to reflect emotion
Doesn't praise or criticize

Selective intervention
You really want that block. Can you get it
Avoid rescuing
Smallest facilitating step

Model good behavior
Only reinforce what u want to see

Support child's authenticity 


6 selecting child care
Best is for one parent to stay at home
Ask caregiver to just observe
Outdoor play area
4:1 caregiver
Play not teaching
Santa Barbara RIE daycare center

7 baby becomes mobile
Forget about milestones and pressure
Focus on baby's happiness not accomplishment of goals u want
Appreciate what he does
Make home safe
Keep out of kitchen and bathroom
Tell child what u expect and plan for next few minutes
Allow time for transitions
I won't let you because
Tell child when leaving
Don't talk about child in front of others. Include him in convo. 
Avoid labels for child
Offer child choices like which Blanket or juice or which sweater
Don't hurry child's speaking
Allow child yo struggle
Learning to fall is important. Don't say you're ok. 
Selective intervention. Observe and wait. 
No horseplay or tickling. Laughter should come from within. 
Let child solve Len problem. I think u can handle this. I'm here if you can't. 
Help child learn to be gentle. Just say gentle. 
Separation and stranger anxiety normal and healthy. Will pass. 
Wean when child starts losing interest. Morning feed last one to drop. Offer cup. Taper feedings over weeks or months. 
Low table and chair instead of high chair to allow easy exit and child directed eating. 
Rules for eating food socially
Keep meals pressure free. Can show as preparing food and explain that will eat soon. Explain rules as go along like the bowl stays on the table.
End meal when playing more than eating
Let play with cups and water during bath
Refrain from offering more when food refused
Do minimum with night wakings
Same routine for each sleep
Slow predictable life


Part 3 as child grows

8 toddler
Tell child goodbye when leaving
Feel powerful but afraid of power
Be patient and understanding
Role of child is to separate and discover own identity
Do minimum of help and ask child questions so they solve own problem
Demands from child are result of security
Support desires. No bad desires, only actions. 
You want to hit lance but I won't let you. It would hurt him. 
No need to teach anything. Just allow them to learn. 
Children learn when parents leave the room
Indoor/outdoor combined play area
Objects to be pushed as well as dumped
Dolls
Climbing structures
Keep TV off
Books and music
Pretend play important. Don't ask child questions about his pretend play, just observe. 
Sharing learned from modeling
Aggressive behavior normal. Acknowledge feelings. 
Hitting is normal. Can't teach not to hit. Will learn from modeling. Just say I won't let you hit, what else can u do?
Biting: redirect to something else he can bite
Let child do everything on own which isn't dangerous
Allow child to experiment and do regressive behaviors like crawling whenever wants to. 
Don't overreact to negative behaviors. 
React positively to good deeds. Thank u for playing calmly while I was on the phone. I liked how u touched X gently. 
If you don't want to put on your shoes, you'll stay home. Do you want to put on your shoes yourself or do you need me to help you?
I don't want you to
Ignore bad words and don't become upset. Better to look other way. Can discuss when older. 
Do errands without child
Head banging normal and can't stop. Just let be. Way of relieving stress. 
Discipline is consistent limits
Time out disconnected punishment
No spanking
Cause consequences discipline
Leave tossed out toys where they fall
Describe what happening around child
Use words to describe child's feelings
Fear is normal. Don't discount their fears even if no real danger. 
Keep up bedtime and nap time routines
Calm soothing atmosphere before bed
Choices best when given 2 choices
Can sit at adult table when has table manners and fits in big chair
Testing means child feels safe with u
I know you want to y but we are going to X
Whenever ur ready the potty chair is here for u
Don't convey negative message about feces
Don't reward toilet learning. Just normal thing. 
Sibling rivalry: intervene minimally
Don't judge. What else could you have done?

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