Notes on Weird Parenting Wins by Hillary Frank

In order to read more books, I've had to significantly narrow down the list of podcasts I subscribe to. The parenting podcast The Longest Shortest Time has always made the cut for my short list. I've listened to it since almost the beginning of my fatherhood, and I've learned a lot from it (and have felt less alone or lost). I was really excited when I heard that the host Hillary Frank had written a book of the top listener-contributed parenting "wins": Weird Parenting Wins: Bathtub Dining, Family Screams, and Other Hacks from the Parenting Trenches.

This book was truly awesome. It was super tactical, low level, casual, and direct. Every page and chapter was filled with nuggets that I can't wait to try and that can inspire my own future "wins." It was also fun to read about how other parents solve daily challenges and get through difficult situations, and it was a nice preview of the next major phases of development and their challenges (and potential solutions).

Bravo to Hillary for an awesome and practical book.

My notes and favorite "wins" are below.

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1 art of soothing a fussy child
How can I make this situation more fun
Singing blues while whining
Electric toothbrush, oven fan, weird noises and movements to calm baby to sleep
Place mom shirt in bassinet
Make kids push out the parents from school or home when time to separate
Chasing after bus and being silly when kid goes on
Act like goof balls when having to do hard task
Mood ring
Mystique of Secret and special
Blowing our finger candles when kid upset
Ask kid to blow you down
Make kid in tantrum into pizza with ingredients 
Kid when wear any lipstick when hiking

2 art of getting your kid to eat stuff
Chicken snack cut into cubes and cold and eaten with toothpick on stool
Put food on floor for kid to eat
Eating from chop sticks
Put homemade meals in takeout containers
Take empty bags and boxes from McDonald’s and put veggies in them at home
Call mashed potatoes hot ice cream
Call ice cream truck the music truck
Eat beets for beet poop
Eat by candlelight with all lights off
Cheers with food together
Say can’t eat too many vegetables or else get too strong
Put frozen cheese in pez dispenser 
Crunch contest for crunching carrots
Birthday week cereal choice but only healthy cereal rest of year
Competition to see who can eat 2 first so doesn’t have to eat last odd one of something. Always cook odd quantity. 
Costco sample lady play during meal. Give smal portions with tooth picks
Learn about other countries before eating their global food
Give child chance to veto one meal per week and get PBJ but if no veto all week then get movie ticket after 4 such weeks
Fireman’s yogurt with hats and pouring from ladder

3 art of getting kid to act like a person
Make own staff ID for kid coming to work
Play flight of bumblebee while kids get dressed and have to finish before song ends 
Put clothes in microwave so warm
Kids surprise parents with clothes
Techno bath with glow sticks
Pee soup: multiple people pee into same toilet without flushing
Dinner in bathtub
Hour glass and candles during dinner and no standing up and no toys
Spanish only dinner one night a week
Jar of all random party favor stuff which can go into as treat or as gift for visitor
Use amazon boxes as canvases for play 
If kid cleans up room independently, parent looks and feints and only kid can wake them up with kiss
Tell kid to Meet me in a dream 
Write chart of what kid gets to decide and what parents decide and read it together
Kid can only stay up if help wash dishes
Bedtime obstacle course
Convince kid everyone going to bed at their bedtime

4 art of making monsters less scary
Sign on door that no monsters allowed
Pantyliner taped on bathroom automatic flush sensor
Industrial ear protection for loud noises
Magical spatula to hold at night
Go look in closet if scared
Just change the channel in your dream by pulling on ear
Put yourself own soft monster under kid bed to protect him
No smoking signs for various fears
Siblings: I get to pick my favorite and it is you
Let older kid find hidden baby
Ask kid if wants attention and then give him applause
Baby you’re going to have to wait while I do x with older
Show younger kid what he knows
Designate one kid each day as the DJ who gets choice of music and first choice of seat or food etc. parents DJ Sunday. Kid loses privilege for misbehavior and can DJ Sunday bonus for good behavior. 
Second one in race always gets the hug
Second one in race called “first second”
First day of getting new toy allowed to not share
Assign one kid even and other odd and decisions made by what date it is
When giving snack, give 2 to one kid and tell them to give 1 to sibling and other says thank you
Long car ride: see who can make lifesavers last longest to get a second one. Keeps them quiet

6 art of keeping your cool
Use fake French accent to keep cool
Pretend to remove batteries from back of kid so they calm down
Family joint scream into sky

7 art of teaching kid to self-babysit
Quiet time 1-3pm daily. Can’t come out of room until digital clock says it’s 3
Move clocks forward on NYE or other special nights and let kids think they are staying up late
Come up with games that involve you lying down with eyes closed and kid putting objects around you and you have to guess them or be unburied by them
Give kid post it notes to put around house
Give spray bottle and tell to clean something
Playing with tampons and pads and toilet paper

8 art of making world less scary
Drawing your fears
Special hat for vaccinations
Call upon names of ancestors to get courage to continue
Pancake theory: first pancake is always not quite good so ok if first experience of something doesn’t go great
Teach that have to fall 50 times before learning to ride bike and have kids keep count
Keep confidence binder chart of things that did well that day and mistakes make and what could’ve done better
Spraying perfume to stop spiders

9 Art of getting your kid to tell you things
Pretend to be your kid and have kid be the teacher or other friend in a tough situation
Hibernate like beer under comforter and task deeper questions 
Rose bud thorn: best part of day, what you hope for tomorrow, worst part of day. Tell kid what happened to me. 
Give kid chance to tell you something like rule breaking without any consequences 
Game where say something about your day and others guess if true or false
Practicing saying something you like about each other and alternate
Give sex talk to kid while driving in car and they are locked in car seat with no eye contact and then they can go off to friends
Pass notes and letters and questions with kid
Send email notes and photos to kid email address like first word or tooth. Forward and bcc them. 
Secret emergency emoji from kid to parent to secretly always answer no or come get the kid quickly
Secret process with parent if want to be picked up from slumber party or not. Kid warns not sure if can stay and calls during party if want to be picked up and doesn’t if not. 
Regular 1:1 coffee dates and playing cards. Don’t ask questions. Just let kid talk. 
Just ask is there anything you want to tell me

10 art of getting it on as a parent
During day
Book hotel room for a few hours

11 art of helping your kid not be a kid
Give kids a little bit of grownup language at a time
Period party, tea party, initiation 
Kid setting own curfew
Nudge kid to develop skills like taking public transit and booking own appointments
When on road trip, kid needs to read map and when arrive at certain point that kid notices then get prize
Video game time is twice workout time
Teach kids about tax by taking small bits of their food and stuff
Make home movies pretending to make own ads to understand marketing
Kids choose own mental health days to stay home from school 2 days per year
Old enough to sit in front means old enough to do own laundry
Rules and contract for driving family car

12 art of manipulating your parents