Notes on Playing Scared by Sara Solovitch

​I just finished reading Playing Scared: A History and Memoir of Stage Fright by Sara Solovitch, which was a recommendation of Jon Racherbaumer in a recent Genii column of his.

While the book was about Sara's struggle with stage fright and performance anxiety in the world of piano, so many of its lessons apply directly to all other performance fields (including magic!) and public speaking in general.

While over the years I have gained confidence with public speaking, I still struggle with fright before artistic performances. This is something I want to work on, which is why I picked up this book.

I found it enjoyable to read and liked the way Sara described her journey and all the things she did and all the gurus she sought out and learned from. I got a lot of concrete techniques to try and concepts to keep in mind, and this book makes me feel like I'm certainly not alone in trying to improve in this regard.

​1 agony of my ecstasy
Personal story of fright playing piano in competitions 

2 blinded by the light
Beta blockers
Power of anxiety
Famous cases of stage fright
Moses
Actors 

3 touching a tarantula
Worked with private coach and practiced hours per day
Group piano class
U can't be fearless, only panic-less
Fear is excitement without breath
Breathe
Design your own exposure therapy
Confront an audience
Scheduled solo recital a year in advance to give herself year to prepare 
Round of inoculations
Performed in hospitals and retirement homes
9 day piano camp
Signed up for master classes where could perform in front of others and be critiqued
Routinely drop by major airport to perform at piano
Organized series of informal evening soirees of music and wine for small groups of friends and some famous local pianists
Solo recital at public library
Then bigger solo recital at a public hall

4 are you my guru?
Grueling teacher of Russian school
Each lesson focused on minute detail 
Kept Practice log
When you practice you are like a scientist
When you perform it is only for yourself
Exercises to keep rolling wrists to remove tension and keep relaxation so can be like cat and at the ready to pounce 
Searching in systematic way for right teacher, auditioning several in driving distance
Going deeply into each piece, learning all its secrets
So much work into the details
Every phrase up for analysis
Playing on San Jose airport piano
Tag team playing with teacher and children
Playing on bad pianos in bad places just to practice

5 massaging the octopus
Reprogramming one’s response to stress
Skype weekly meetings
Practicing is like eating: you have to do it every day instead of one big meal
Written practice logs
5 hour daily practice logs
Record and critique your play daily and really listen
Find center and sense of calm
Personal affirmation written
Do something daily outside comfort zone
Piano camp for 8 days
Focus on the good things
Loosen mouth
Play from the heart
Breathe
Fear is a natural reaction to moving towards the truth
Master sushi chef massages octopus for 40 minutes 

6 revenge of the amygdala
Does fear create running or vice versa
Action precedes consciousness
We are sad because we cry
Takes 12ms for amygdala to respond
Link between fear and memory
Fear learning is laid down elsewhere than higher level abstract learning
Stored somewhere more instinctive
The stronger the emotional response the stronger we remember
Beta blockers and exposure training counteracts
Graduated exposure
Memories altered as viewed each time
Diffuses memories through exposure
Propanalol / indural stops the physical response 
Propanolol blocks the memory forming effect of Traumatic/emotional experiences
Banned as doping in sports 

7 mind games
Mindfulness
Biofeedback biowave 
Meditation practice
Iyengar Hatha yoga
Stop exercises while playing and considering what emotion ur feeling at all times
Meditation at piano
Can change our own brains through mental activity
Describe personal dramatic event in third person to allow yourself to process it better and feel compassion for self
Like meditation, speaking in the third person allows you to observe yourself in a healthy way

8 me and my shadow
Psychiatrist
Not feeling worthy of success
Archetype of outcast
Deintegrative and reintegrative experiences
Practice each hand separately
No such thing as natural prodigy
Make the piano yours not your mother’s

9 so much for perfection
Practicing 8 to 10 hours per day
Perfectionism leads to problems
Create your own audience internally that is loving
Design for tolerance for error

10 umm umm
Stage fright survival school in Virginia
Slow belly breathing
Toastmasters
Greet audience before speech
Arrive early and get comfortable in room

11 cultural artifacts of fear
Ultra orthodox community prayer fears
Cultures express themselves in disorders

12 game plans
Baseball player psyched out and made errors
Overthinking
Paralysis by analysis
Clench left hand activates right hemisphere (and lowers left hemisphere overthinking) and improves performance
Conjure image of perfect shot

13 test drive
Sports psychologist 
Need to switch to right brain
The more ambidextrous the higher iq 
Center before event
Focused yet relaxed
Life is not a discovery but a creation
You can do anything you set your mind to
Pre performance ritual

14 finale
Communicate your love for your music. play what you love.

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