![]() I enjoyed the other parenting books by Dan Siegel, and I just finished reading Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell. It was written before the others I read, and it actually seemed to me to be more about therapy/self-reflection for the parent as opposed to strategies and tactics for better parenting and responding to children. The authors' main point is that parents who have unresolved emotional/psychological issues (such as from childhood) are more likely to struggle through parenthood and be more easily triggered into "low-road" emotional responses and states. And the more work parents can do on themselves to come to terms with and work on their own "issues," the better parents they can be. I thought this was a good point, and it's something I've thought about a lot before. I just personally didn't as much out of this book (as opposed to the others by this author) in terms of parenting principles and strategies. My full notes on the book are below (not as extensive of notes as on the other books of his). Intro
Resolve and make sense of your own childhood experiences to be a better parent and not repeat mistakes of your parents Process early childhood experiences Mindfulness and intention in actions Lifelong learning Response flexibility Mindsight Joyful living 1 how to remember: experience shapes who we are Unprocessed issues from our childhood can become triggered by our kids Traumas from past can be autobiographical from childhood or just experiences as adult before became parent Implicit memories from youth and mental models explicit memories: semantic/factual and autobiographical Write down traumatic experiences in journal to resolve them Write when emotions are heating up Reflect on implicit elements of your memories 2 how we perceive reality. Stories of our lives. Children stress reduces when u tell story explaining what happened to them and Best when done with props Ways of knowing Senses Interpersonal How we perceive influences how we behave Integrated sides of Brain work better Left and right modes of thinking Narratives blend left and right modes Coherence and integration Horizontal, vertical, and temporal integration 3 how we feel. Emotions, interpersonal and internal First resonate with child’s emotional experience on his level and then change unwanted behavior Emotion, meaning, and social connection by same neurons Primary emotions can get shut off in early childhood Resonance in connection with others Perceiving others’ emotions via mindsight Basis for empathy Helping child feel felt Choosing our responses to children Don’t respond based on own desires but on child’s experience Integrative communication 7 levels Awareness Atunement Empathy Expression Joining Clarification Sovereignty 4 how to communicate Active listening Being in present Contingent communication Coherence in connection between self and other Connect first with kid when coming home instead of just doing own agenda Sit and read book and talk for a few min Co-construction of self with parent Interpersonal contingency creates coherence Respect the child’s experience Incoherence and mismatch between verbal and nonverbal is hard for child I see how much you want that toy. What do you like about it? Let me write it down so I know what u want when it comes time to buy a present. Receive, process, and respond Show that you received the signal and processed it from another person Be aware of the process and the content of the connection 5 how we attach. Relationships between parents and children. Primary attachment figure creates secure base ABCs: Attunement, balance, coherence Different levels and types of attachment 6 how we make sense of lives and adult attachment Parents making sense of their lives Reflect on your childhood experiences 7 how we keep it together and fall apart. High and low road Low road driven by unresolved experiences and triggers Trigger, transition, immersion, recovery Use a journal to reflect and work with adult professional 8 how we disconnect and reconnect. Rupture and repair Oscillating disconnection Benign rupture Limit setting rupture Toxic ruptures 9 how we develop mindsight. Compassion Putting ourselves in others shoes Reflective conversation Thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories, beliefs, perceptions, Attitudes, intentions Reflective dialogues Representational diversity Difference between reality and appearance Children develop all these over time and with help in discussions with parents What do you feel in this part of your body Why do you believe x feels y Label emotions for child and discuss how they felt Discuss mental processes that lead to various emotions and situations of kids and those around them Culture of compassion in your family. Stories of what each person felt. Reparent ourselves and make sense of our pasts
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
July 2024
Categories
All
Subscribe |