![]() After really enjoying Janet Lansbury's books, I decided to go to some of the "primary source" material to learn more about RIE, and that meant starting to read Magda Gerber's books. The first one I just finished is Dear Parent: Caring for Infants with Respect by Magda Gerber. A lot of it is echoed in Janet's writing, but it was nice to hear Magda's tone directly come through in her prose and examples. With the millions of parenting philosophies and opinions out there and the millions of tiny decisions parents have to make everyday, I really liked how this book took a stand on many controversial issues (sleep, thumb vs. paci, feeding, etc.) and gave a direct recommendation along with its reasoning. Each chapter was short and direct, and together they covered pretty much every major aspect of parenting in the first year or so. Enjoy more, work less 1 educaring: meeting needs of infants and parents Educate while you care and opposite Respect Goal is an authentic child Trust their competence Sensitive observation Involve child in caregiving Safe and challenging environment Uninterrupted play Consistency 2 caregiving routines: one to one with full attention Refueling time for both Take phone off hook before and tell him 3 teaching and learning Don't teach or interfere with learning Free movement, free play Tell child what he or you are doing You seem thirsty. Do you want this drink? Let's put your shirt on. Are you ready to put your arm in the sleeve? The street isn't safe. I cannot let you run after your ball. 4 time apart: space for baby Safe environment is when infant can survive the day if adult locked out by accident Playpen outside First toy: big scarf on floor in form of peak Don't have to sit with baby all the time. Can leave to do own work and check in. 5 allowing infants to do what they can do Observe and wait Do you want to be picked up Your ball got stuck. What can you do? This upsets you. Let him solve problem. Only provide smallest help needed so baby can take over 6 responsibility of parenthood Ongoingness and unfreeness of being a parent Child demands technicalities of caregiving no matter what Conflict of needs Adult not baby needs to adjust Let go and don't push Ok to go away at times Investment in the future 7 at home with newborn No errands with baby first 6-8 weeks. Peace at home. 8 talking to baby Express ur feelings 9 on their backs free to move Tolerate their struggle 10 crying Just acknowledge and communicate. I see you're unhappy. I wish I knew what was making you unhappy. No rocking. Just calmness and less stimulation. 11 holding Don't hold all the time No constant carrier 12 thumb vs paci Thumb more natural and preferred and will only be used as long as necessary Child not parent in control Crying should be allowed form of self expression 13 at their own time, in their own way Learning by moving Readiness 14 predictability: helping child feel secure Move slowly Tell baby ahead of time what will happen For travel, take many familiar objects like sheets, blankies, toys and maintain regular same schedule Don't allow child to be passed around like a ball between family members Don't interrupt with unimportant things like checking diaper or making comment 15 learning to observe Observe more, do less Don't project own thoughts 16 and wait Don't interrupt Selective intervention Let problems resolve themselves I think you can handle it but if not I'm here 17 authentic infant competent child The less u assume about the baby, the more u learn Say ur true emotions Don't throw in air like object Don't stifle their negative emotions Don't stimulate or excite or tickle just go get a reaction out or make happy. Just be responsive to their invitations. Don't smile at crying child. Manipulative. Sensitive observation 18 quality time Full unhurried attention Wants nothing: taking in and waiting Wants something: have expectations for cooperation. Dressing, bathing. Ok to allow some play initially but be firm when time to move on. Matter of fact and not aggressive. 19 diapering Not chore to hurry through or have to distract from Invite him to participate in undressing by requesting help 20 feeding Don't use food as means to soothe Infant weight scale to judge feedings Only feed when baby really hungry Only feed as long as baby is vigorously working on it Give small bowl and spoon to baby so he feeds self from there and refill from larger bowl Feed on lap or in small chair where baby feet can touch floor Appetite drops around 1 year when rate of growth drops Have baby eat separately and parents eat when baby in bed for more pleasurable eating for parents. Kids can join family meal when can participate in table conversations. Never talk child into eating more When shows any disinterest don't give any more at all Don't use food as reward 21 sleeping Predictable daily routine Plenty of time outdoors Room sized outdoor playpen Napping outdoors Slow paced day Recognize tiredness Put to bed very early in evening Put to bed awake Bedtime ritual gradually darkening and quieting Comment as you go through cleanup routine to provide bridge between tonight and tomorrow Talk to lovey or bear Sing lullaby or wind up music box 22 choosing play objects Scarf Containers Balls Beach toys Ice cube trays Bread basket Empty soda bottles Plastic chains Boxes Active infant, passive object 23 outdoor living Playpen outside then room sized fenced in area 24 discipline and the goal Children need expectations and rules Child has hard time growing up with ambivalent parents Don't try to keep child happy always Training that develops self control and character 25 house rules Give child choices within secure framework Be consistent but not rigid. predictability. Habits. Patterns and routines. Continue bedtime routine until child indicates the need for some change. Even children need to be able to save face and avoid power struggles Simple age appropriate rules Expect deep down rule to be followed 26 praise or acknowledgement Gentle validations instead of instructions criticism or praise Do not praise child happily playing Do not praise child performing for adults Praise child for social adaption doing difficult things like sharing or waiting 27 opposing needs, different points of view Switch to infant point of view Respect your own needs. Ok for child to wait. 28 adapting to new developments Change is continual 29 separation and stranger anxiety Give baby practice doing her own separating to explore and initiating separations 30 sharing and conflicts Learned by watching models of behavior Requires advanced mental concept that develop much later Wait during conflicts Start with least amount of intervention State the conflict in nonjudgmental way 31 biting Totally normal part of development Toddlers don't understand waiting Give teething toy for biting I won't let you bite others. If you feel like biting, you can bite this or this. 32 toddlers Constant struggle Huge struggle for child between opposites in him Energy patience and compassion 33 toilet training Unnecessary to teach when child ready. Will know what to do. No praise or rewards Trust ur child 34 parent support groups 35 decisions on working Postpone full time work for first couple years 36 infant care alternatives One caregiver Care center Care center at work 37 fads and trends / what's the rush Infants “need” stimulation Too much too early 38 absolutely safe Safe room with gates at doors 39 equipment necessary Low chair and table Gates at doors Don't put baby into position he cannot get out of himself 40 wishes for future 41 on loving Be available rather than intrusive I am here to help you but I do not know what you need. Try to tell me. Tolerate the crying if don't understand. First try to understand before try to make stop. 42 RIE difference 43 one family one Saturday Alternate full attention and independent play Communicate all transitions 44 appreciating RIE 45 educaring examples 46 pikler work Pikler babies Safe quiet environment 47 about RIE 48 visit to a RIE infant center 49 RIE in family child care home
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