![]() One of the books recommended by Janet Lansbury and some of the other RIE-inspired authors was 1, 2, 3 The Toddler Years by Irene Van der Zande. I enjoyed the book and its many pictures of safe play environments and how this can be implemented in home or daycare settings. The book gave a pretty good overview of the RIE approach as it applies to different parts of the early years. Part one: respect for toddlers Each child special individual with important thoughts feelings and needs Opportunity to grow and learn at own pace Freedom to create and master own challenges 1 let me choose Happier when have some control over lives I need to change your diaper. Do you want to bring your picture with you or leave it here. Do you want to walk or be carried Do you want to do it now or in a few min. Drink x or y. Use one color cup or another. Come here or have me get you. Close ended questions with choices we can live with Don't offer choice by mistake by being polite. Do you want to take your nap now? Don't add ok? To end It's time to take your nap now. Do you want to bring your book or leave it here. Give child chance to think after offering choice If can't decide: I'll help you choose so we can leave. Here's your jacket. 2 my feelings should be free Ok to have big feelings and accept them I know you don't want x but I'm still going to x because y Give names to feelings. You did x. You look y. Don't label any as good or bad You didn't like x. It made you mad. Do you want to sit in my lap? Your still upset. I'm here to help you if you need me. 3 stop me when enough is enough Firm calm limit tone I want you to be gentle I don't like it when you run away I have to put this book away until we fix it. Here are some old papers you can tear up. You look mad. I won't let you hit others. You can hit those balls with a soft bat. 4 I can understand more than you think Talk to them about what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen Short sentences 5 let me work it out for myself Give just enough help so child can succeed Talk through steps of putting on clothes and have them participate 6 I need special time with you Play game of washing dishes and talking together Little moments daily, not big events periodically They live in here and now 7 plan ahead Environment Schedule Activities 8 I'm not sleepy 9 saying goodbye is sad Ok to feel sad Be firm when leaving 10 mine Will share when ready Model sharing and mention when u do it Appreciate when they share and tell them the consequences 11 fighting part of life too Let them work out for selves Describe what's happening and show where other toys are Step in and put arms around kid who is physically hurting other 12 biting Stop before happens when kid mad Give things that are ok to bite Act calm not upset Teach them to yell stop instead of biting 13 tantrums Reflect back what u see happening Help him have chance of contributing to solution by offering choices Not a time to hold child You can lie on the pillows and kick but I won't let you kick me When you're done screaming, we’ll get some dry pants and you can play Tantrum in public: don't give in. Just move out to private space like car or another room until it calms. To avoid, tell them what to expect. 14 wait until I'm ready for toilet learning Need to be able to control body and understand process with mind On their own time just like walking Readiness signs: dry diapers for longer periods, notifying us they pooped or peed in diaper, showing interest in sitting on toilet or wanting to wear underwear, disliking wet or soiled diapers Don't do it when other stresses or changes at home Teach words about body parts and functions Read books about using toilet Practice sitting on potty Talk about time when won't need diapers and can wear underwear like big kids Stay relaxed. Not too excited when child succeeds. Training pants only after child dry in diapers for long periods and uses toilet regularly Accidents are time for calm cleaning up not scolding Don't force them to use stranger toilets if only want at home Find other places to use in emergency besides bathroom when just learning Takes longer to gain control at night than day 15 only very small difference between girls and boys What child can do or have not dependent on if boy or girl Talk to boys about their caring behavior All kids wear sturdy clothes not frilly dresses Talk to girls about what do well not just how look Talk to boy about how look not just what does Let little girls make big noises Tell stories of men cleaning and women fixing 16 I like to eat my way Offer very small servings Offer choices before cooking but once decided can't go back Let them make own food like spread own peanut butter Say what we do want from them instead of what don't want I don't like it when you When you yell I can't understand I want you to x When more interested in playing then meal is done Horseshoe table, cloth wipes, meals outside when possible Start with a song Only kids sitting at table can eat but can leave anytime Can you pick a chair and bring it Who wants to help me pull the peel off Can you wipe face yourself or do you want me to do it for you 17 new siblings Private times with each parent 18 out in public Prepare special things for them and set up environment they can do well in Part 2 successful parenting Not perfection Just best you can 19 learn from others 20 trust self 21 take care of yourself Afternoon quiet hour each day. Kids in beds with books or toys. Parents have time to selves. Go out alone to do something fun at least weekly Special toys and projects just for time when ur home and getting evening ready so kids play independently 22 keep child safe Model right behavior Don't leave alone in public or in car or in bath Teach simple phrases like stop, I don't like that, move away Model greeting others and let child decide when and how to do it at his own pace Kids don't have to hug or kiss anyone or sit on anyone's lap unless they want to Touch or games should be safe, choice of each person, allowed by grown ups in charge, and never secret No secrets from mom and dad Always hold hand in street Teach safety by using puppets and toys to act out in fun way 23 help child face grief and loss Acting younger helps them feel safe Imagine through their eyes and put feelings and thoughts into the open and explain explicitly Read together Books about feelings of loss 24 ask for help when u need it Ok to be mad at kids but not scare or hurt them Ask someone to take them when feelings too strong Call for help Parent support hotlines 25 stop feeling guilty We are only part of children's lives. They have freedom of own thoughts and actions. 26 enjoy your child Fun can get spoiled by “have to”s Part 3 finding and keeping quality childcare Question list Books and resources
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