Notes on The Way of Play by Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent

I recently finished reading ​The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm  and Confident Kids by Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent. I had listened to a live lecture by the author who visited a local school and heard about the book on a podcast as well. I had read some of her other books and learned a lot from them, and I'm always interested in learning how to "play" better so this book was fun for me to read.

I liked the approach it described and the many concrete suggestions and example scenarios. I also liked the comics and cheat sheet/guide that came with the book. I definitely recommend it to any parent who wants to leverage play even more in daily life.

Below are my main notes and takeaways.

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​Intro playstrong parenting
Unstructured child led play
Spend a few minutes each day playing with child how they want
Responsive play
Preventive play

1 Think out loud
Behavior is communication
Cultivate their self awareness
Sportscasting
Don’t command or tell kids what to do
Don’t correct kids on what they build
Reflexive pause

2 Make yourself a mirror
Empathy
Cognitive and affective
Mirror what kids doing to show how you are attuned to them
Mirror body face and voice

3 bring emotions to life
Recognize and manage own emotions
Dramatic play with emotions 
Safety of symbolic distance
Name emotions
Pretend play

4 dial intensity up and down
Chase the why
Be curious about big feelings or reactions kids have
Help them return to being regulated
Help them borrow our regulation
Sensory seekers and avoiders
Parents as coregulators
Monitoring and modifying
Dial intensity down through soothing tone instead of lecturing. Bottom up strategy versus top down. 
Model reconnecting and repairing and how to apologize

5 scaffold and stretch
Value of struggling
Zone of proximal development
Play as low stakes way to build resilience
Observe and attune to child

6 narrate to integrate
Stories to help understand 
Horizontal integration across brain
Ask clarifying questions of kid story to help them establish order and logic

7 set playtime parameters
Take care of self
Take care of others
Take care of the space
Be the pit crew not the driver
Offer alternatives
Say yes to child but no to behaviors
All feelings welcome but all behaviors not
Set limits when time to stop play
Timer and ending ritual
Insert brief fun transitional activities
Set limits with confident momentum

Conclusion: playful beyond playroom
Playful pivot

Appendix 1 play space
Setting comfortable 
Second hand coffee table scuffed up
Play outside
Play kitchen outside
Sight
Stuff 
Put some materials at child eye displayed on shelf
Rotate new toys in
No more than 10 minutes of cleanup
Sensory toys
Natural objects
Recycled objects
Full body toys
Creative toys
Musical instruments
Construction toys
Expressive or dramatic play toys

Appendix 2 designing play based world
Play based curriculum
Majority of kid day playing
Longer recess