 A fellow parent recommended to me the book Growing Up In Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World by Devorah Heitner, which I recently finished. It was a good complement to The Anxious Generation, which I had read previously. Heitner's book went into a lot more depth about the dangers of social media and the pitfalls of tracking technology and classroom grading apps (which I didn't have experience with). I liked its concrete suggestions of how to talk about these topics with kids and how to teach real-world skills so kids can thrive as adults. Below are my main notes and takeaways. This is a very helpful book for any parent of growing adolescents/tweens/teens. Intro
Privacy online 1 tracking kids where kids can go viral Mentoring better than monitoring Teach kids about risks and bad decisions online Parent surveillance Tracking kids to stop worry Life360, find my Too much worry and anxiety over tracking Prepare kids with good judgment, practice with them, discuss scenarios Constant vigilance harms kids Tracking kids to stay in their lives Damages connection and trust Downsides and inaccuracies of geo tracking Mutual trust and sharing updates proactively better than tracking 2 growing up in public eye Different public identities Don’t post brag about kids Body image issues from social media use Ask kids about anyone who is different online versus in person Public and secret handles for each service Vloggers and influencers have pressure Tell kids things online aren’t realistic Talk about when you get left out 3 sharenting: balancing parent needs with kids privacy Don’t share photos of kids Family agreement on what’s ok for parents to share Don’t share college news 4 too much information: classroom apps undermine independence Apps that monitor behavior rarely actually help change behavior Hurts self esteem and kills intrinsic motivation Apps create anxiety School should be child’s domain Compliance isn’t always best Online grading portals create too much anxiety Removes intrinsic motivation and executive function development Turns parents into nagging machine Teach kids to use planner and study guide Disable notifications from grading apps and don’t install on phone Check grades weekly 5 setting boundaries on sharing about self Funding community Mentor kids on intentional sharing of sensitive info Mentor kids on appropriate outlets for self expression 6 explicit images Teach kids not send racy messages Teach never to forward images Make photos unidentifiable Teach appropriate flirting 7 damage control when things go wrong Fixing mistakes in bad posts online Impulsivity and shaming Teach kids to be upstanders Teach kids about consent and not interacting with posts 8 who’s looking at you kids Stalkers Myth of personal brand Colleges don’t dig up dirt on social media Be careful about college guidance software 9 keys to thriving as emerging adults Don’t encourage dependence on parents at college Transition to scaffolding and support from a distance Mentoring from afar but don’t do for them Have them manage own healthcare and finances Academic privacy in college HIPAA privacy in college Teach kids how to manage own healthcare alone in room with doctor Making appointments, writing down medications, carrying insurance card, phone skills Prepare kids for life after college Making decisions independently Managing own finances Knowing own social security Communication with teachers alone Putting on own sunscreen Getting help like office hours Asking for phone number of friend
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