 A number of my friends from college and fellow parents all recently recommended Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt, and I just finished reading it. It was eye-opening and scary. It reinforces many things I've read and learned elsewhere about the importance of minimizing screen time and social media, especially for growing kids. I like the concrete ideas of things parents can do now and the sample activities and neighborhood events people can organize. My main notes and takeaways are below. This seems like very important reading for any fellow parent of kids 5 to 18 and beyond. Introduction
Social media Decline of free play Play based vs phone based childhood Overprotection in real world and underprotection in virtual world Reforms No smartphones before high school (flip phone is ok but no texting or internet) No social media before 16 Phone free schools and no smart watches Far more unsupervised play Part 1 a tidal wave 1 the surge of suffering Rising mental illness among kids after 2010 Lose child to devices or have them feel socially isolated Part 2 the backstory: decline of play based childhood 2 what children need to do in childhood Kids grow fast then slow then fast Slow growth childhood Childhood extended to give kids chance to learn from society Cultural apprenticeship Motivation for free play, attunement, social learning Experience not info is the key to emotional development Best play when child led and involving sole risk Attunement practice through play and turn taking Imprinting during critical period age 9 to 15 3 discover mode and the need for risky play Discover mode vs defend mode Kids are anti fragile. Need to experience stress to get stronger. Need risky play usually outdoors and not organized by adults Fearful parenting and being overly restrictive and spending more time with kids than they spend with friends 4 puberty and the blocked transition to adulthood Humans need wide variety of social experiences Safetyism is experience blocker Need stressful experience tha has risk of causing harm Playground conflicts important Rites of passage 13 years old to see movie alone in theater 16 to drive 18 adult Even year birthdays from 6 to 18 linked to freedoms and responsibilities 6: family responsibility: small list of chores and small weekly allowance dependent on completing the chores 8: local freedom: can play and hang out with friends without adult supervision and can run local errands but not given smart phone but can get phone or watch which can call or text small group of known people 10: age of roaming: can roam more widely, can go to friends, can get flip phone with no apps or internet. Spend time in person 12: age of apprenticeship: find adult mentors besides parents, more chores or work for neighbors; more time with relatives who aren’t parents 14: working for pay or team, first smart phone 16: can drive and get social media accounts 18: voting, jobs 21: full adult Part 3 the great rewiring: rise of phone based childhood 5 four foundational harms: social deprivation, sleep deprivation, attention fragmentation, addiction Variable ratio reward schedule Arrival of phone based childhood around 2010 with App Store Advertising driven apps optimizing eyeball time Kids couldn’t take tv with them Social media Social deprivation Drop sharp in time with friends Parents also distracted by phones Sleep deprivation Preteens need 9 hours per night and teens 8 Stop social media and phone use at 9 Attention fragmentation Notifications throughout day from phone Phone free schools Mere presence of phone in same room worsens performance Addiction Dopamine Hooked model: trigger, action, variable reward, investment 6 why social media harms girls more than boys Girls use social media more than boys Girls more affected by visual social comparison Tuning apps Girls aggression is more relational Agency (boys) vs communion (girls) 7 what is happening to boys Video games and adult content Boys feel helpless Girls have internalizing disorders and boys normally externalizing disorders but recently boys having similar disorders as girls due to withdrawing from physical world Boys pulling away from risk outdoors Video game impact mixed Lacking community and friends Failure to launch 8 spiritual elevation and degradation 3 axes of social space: hierarchy, closeness, divinity Some actions more sacred and some more base Spiritual practices improve well being Shared sacredness Powerful connected experiences Being and moving together in rituals Sharing food together Stillness, silence, focus, mindfulness, meditation Transcending self Awe shifts us out of default mode network of thinking of self Be slow to anger and quick to forgive Awe walk to appreciate nature, music Part 4 collective action for healthier childhood 9 preparing for collective action Voluntary coordination Wait until 8th grade pledge Ideally wait until at least 9th Phone lockers at schools Let Grow org Online supplement anxiousgeneration.com 10 what governments and tech companies can do now Race to the bottom Make privacy default Should raise age of online adulthood to 16 Facilitate age verification Phone free schools. Lockers for phones. Stop punishing parents for giving kids some independence Reasonable childhood independence laws Encourage more play in schools Design and zone public space with children in mind Play streets, block parties, no cars on school block an hour before and after to encourage play and mingling 11 what schools can do now Phone free schools For entire school day Phone locker More free play Longer recess with less adult intervention Open playground 30 min before school starts Offer play club for a few days per week after school Let grow project Project for kids to do to be independent Better recess and playgrounds Fewer rules Give recess before lunch Adventure playground for imaginative play Loose parts to move around Natural settings Reduce rules and increase trust Re-engage boys Vocational training Male teachers 12 what parents can do now Gardener vs carpenter analogy for parenting Give kids nurturing space and leave alone to flourish Ages 0-5 More and better experience in real world Let kids help out around house Don’t split attention with phone Less experience with screens Ages 6-13 Practice letting kids out of sight Encourage sleepovers without phone and don’t micromanage Encourage walking to school in a group After school is for free play not enrichment activities Drive to 5: drop off kid 5 min from school then they walk rest of way Join play club to play at each others houses Camping Sleep away camp in nature with no devices Child friendly playborhoods Invite kids in neighborhood to your yard and put toys out and make it a regular thing Less and better behavior on screens Maximize sleep and in person activities Digital sabbath weekly Screen free week yearly Delay social media accounts until 16 Ages 14-18 Use more modes of transportation Hang out with friends in third place Rely more on them at home Run errands Find part time job Help younger kids Exchange program American exchange project American field service Spend more time in nature Outward bound Good evening routine with no phone Conclusion bring childhood back to earth Speak up Let grow Outside play Fair play References Free range kids
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