I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the audio version of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Like books by Gary Vaynerchuk, it was read by the author, which added richness to the experience.

There were a lot of good examples in each chapter of behaviors the author tried, and I liked her overall objective of learning about and experimenting with happiness within the context of her current life situation. It was exactly the blend of psychology and philosophy that I enjoy. I especially enjoyed her use of quotes that inspired her and scientific studies that backed up some of the practices she tried. (There were also several points in the book when she sounded like one of my MBA profs -- perhaps she also got an MBA at some point or just read a lot of business books!)

Overall, through her journey in the book, the author came to learn "Four Splendid Truths" about happiness:

Four Splendid Truths

1. To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
2. One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
3. The days are long, but the years are short.
4. You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

It was also neat to hear about her own "Personal Commandments" and "Secrets of Adulthood" -- a lot of these (and the splendid truths) resonate with me.

Twelve Personal Commandments

1. Be Gretchen.
   
2. Let it go.
   
3. Act the way I want to feel.
   
4. Do it now.
   
5. Be polite and be fair.
   
6. Enjoy the process.
   
7. Spend out.
   
8. Identify the problem.
   
9. Lighten up.
   
10. Do what ought to be done.
    
11. No calculation.
12. There is only love.
    

Secrets of Adulthood

• The best reading is re-reading.
  
• Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  
• The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  
• You manage what you measure.
  
• By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  
• People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  
• It's nice to have plenty of money.
  
• Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  
• Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  
• Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  
• If you can't find something, clean up.
  
• The days are long, but the years are short.
  
• Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  
• Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  
• It's okay to ask for help.
  
• You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  
• Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  
• What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  
• You don't have to be good at everything.
  
• Soap and water removes most stains.
  
• It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  
• You know as much as most people.
  
• Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  
• Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  
• What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  
• People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  
• Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  
• If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  
• No deposit, no return.
  

Below are my main notes from the book.


Introduction

• Preparation
  
• Making resolutions
  
• Keeping resolutions
  

Getting started

• Midlife malaise
  
• Learn to feel grateful for ordinary day
  
• Dedicated a year to learning to be happy
  
• Decided on top 12 resolutions, one per month (reminds me of Mussar!)
  
• Working on your own happiness allows you to be a better person for others

Ch. 1: January

• Boost energy
  
• Vitality
  
• Go to sleep earlier
  
• Exercise better
  
• Toss, restore, organize
  
• Tackle a nagging task
  
• Act more energetic
  
• 1 hr. of sleep increases happiness more than $60K raise
  
• Keep the lights low around bedtime
  
• Get ready for bed well before bedtime
  
• Carried pedometer which motivated her to exercise (sounds like my FitBit!)
  
• Exercise boosts thinking
  
• Clear visible and psychic clutter
  
• Do what ought to be done (Be a man! Do the right thing!)
  
• Aspirational clutter, outgrown clutter, buyers-remorse clutter
  
• Donated and threw away a ton of clothes
  
• Nothing makes you more happy than an organized medicine cabinet
  
• 4 thermometer syndrome
  
• Don't postpone any task that takes 1 min
  
• 10 min tidying before bed
  
• Unfinished tasks also drain energy
  
• Act the way I want to feel
  
• Fake feelings until feel them

Ch. 2: February

• Remember love
  
• Marriage
  
• Quit nagging
  
• Don't expect praise or appreciation
  
• Fight right
  
• No dumping
  
• Give proofs of love
  
• Need many small positive interactions to offset one negative
  
• Partners' health and happiness converge
  
• No dumping of worries or minor troubles on partner
  
• Week of extreme nice
  
• Play one outdoor and one indoor game together
  
• Review resolutions each day and mark with checks (like Franklin)
  
• To be happy, need to feel good, feel less bad, and feel right in an atmosphere of growth
  
• Happiness is growth, striving for goals

Ch. 3: March

• Aim higher
  
• Work
  
• Launch a blog
  
• Enjoy the fun of failure
  
• Ask for help
  
• Work smart
  
• Enjoy now
  
• Happy people work more and better with others
  
• Was lawyer before chose to be writer to follow own desire
  
• Challenge and novelty give satisfaction (like blog)
  
• Small daily task more important than big single efforts

Ch. 4: April

• Lighten up
  
• Parenthood
  
• Sing in the morning
  
• Acknowledge reality of people's feelings
  
• Be a treasure house of happy memories
  
• Take time for projects
  
• Fog happiness: hard to see when up close but believe it's there
  
• Literally sing to kids in morning
  
• Make rhyming jokes instead of nagging
  
• Write down kids' feelings, literally repeat what they say so they feel heard
  
• If don't have solution, say will think about it
  
• Keep happy memories vivid, reminisce, keep mementos
  
• Happy experience: anticipate, savor, express appreciation, reminisce

Ch. 5: May

• Be serious about play
  
• Leisure
  
• Find more fun
  
• Take time to be silly
  
• Go off the path
  
• Start a collection
  
• You don't have to find fun the way others do
  
• Challenging, accommodating, relaxing fun
  
• Find happiness no matter what's around you

Ch. 6: June

• Find time for friends
  
• Remember birthdays
  
• Be generous
  
• Show up
  
• Don't gossip
  
• Make 3 new friends
  
• Number of friends biggest predictor of happiness
  
• Must have 5 true confidants
  
• Connect people to each other

Ch. 7: July

• Buy some happiness
  
• Money
  
• Indulge in a modest splurge
  
• Buy needed things
  
• Spend out
  
• Give something up
  
• Happiness from buying and from choosing not to buy

Ch. 8: August

• Contemplate the heavens
  
• Eternity
  
• Read memoirs of catastrophe
  
• Keep a gratitude notebook
  
• Imitate a spiritual master
  
• The days are long but the years are short
  
• Live in moment of present
  
• Inevitability of loss and death
  
• One sentence journal to keep record of experience and thoughts

Ch. 9: September

• Pursue a passion
  
• Books
  
• Write a novel in a month
  
• Make time
  
• Forget about results
  
• Master a new technology
  
• Accept own interests
  
• Compile own books and photo albums
  
• Self-publish (Lulu)
  
• Best occupations those that are least forced
  
• You're happy if you think you're happy

Ch. 10: October

• Pay attention
  
• Mindfulness
  
• Meditate on koans (Zen enigmatic phrases)
  
• Examine true rules (rules you live by or believe are behind proper behavior)
  
• Stimulate the mind in new ways
  
• Keep a food diary
  
• True rules: personal ideas on rules of life
  
• Play a hypnosis tape
  
• Laughter yoga
  
• "Drawing on the right side of the brain" class
  
• Music
  

Ch. 11: November

• Keep a contented heart
  
• Attitude
  
• Laugh out loud
  
• Use good manners
  
• Give positive reviews
  
• Find an area of refuge
  

Ch. 12: December

• Bootcamp perfect
  
• Follow all resolutions all the time
  
• Most important part of year: keeping and reviewing resolutions chart daily

I had a lot of fun helping to plan my wedding, and through the experience, I learned a ton about event coordination, business negotiation, and dealing with difficult personalities. It was all worth it, but I just wish it didn't have to be so tough.

As I see it there are three general problem areas with the wedding industry right now:

1. Insane prices. The moment you mention "wedding," the tone immediately changes. All of a sudden, the other person is so extremely "nice" and warm, sprinkling congratulations and feigning curiosity into the details of the proposal. They aren't faking their delight, though; they are so extremely happy to have another person they can totally overcharge. Because saying "wedding" is basically the same as saying, "please charge me 50-100% above normal."

I may sound a bit cynical, but it's just from being shocked so many times in hearing prices for various everyday things that are out-of-this-world high and which one would never pay on a regular day. For example, with venues, flowers, and invitations, I had numerous experiences of realizing that prices are sort of in their own "wedding universe" rather than based on cost or value add. This price bubble is further heightened and sustained through all the various media that cover the industry and that speak of $100K budgets like they're the new normal.

The unfortunate thing is that in this industry, just like almost everywhere else, you get what you pay for, and if you pay top dollar, you likely will get better service than if you choose something cheaper. However, the general magnitude of prices in question is what is so frustrating.

I wish vendors were more honest in the sense of not taking advantage of the joy of a wedding and the guilt of not paying for the "best" for one's "most important day" and simply provided great service at a reasonable price. That's obviously too much to ask (though I was lucky to find a select few vendors who did in fact do that with grace).

2. Sub-par quality. You'd think that with high prices comes amazing performance. Sometimes that occurs, but from my limited experience, it's less often than not. Unfortunately, wedding vendors are amazing salespeople who will show you their "best of the best" portfolio instead of their average wedding (like from a recent weekend), and so consumers are making their decisions on the wrong basis. Consumers do have a burden to do proper due diligence, but it would be nice if the industry didn't make their job more diffcult.

It's frustrating to have to constantly fight for every "concession," where concession often means simply getting what was originally promised or discussed and which now turns out to be something premium or extra. Sometimes sub-par quality can be even worse, such as when your bride's wedding dress is destroyed by a dry cleaners that decides not to take responsibility for it (yes, true story). It's really unbelievable.

3. Poor ethical standards. This last point can be summed up simply with, "Be a man. Do the right thing." Or more elaborately, be a professional. This means being honest, not needing a contract to spell out every detail of behavior, and doing what you say you're going to do (something I realize most people can't accomplish).

In the height of vendor negotiations, I had a long checklist of all the various contract sections that would always need to get added or removed and things to explicitly check in every contract or estimate. Nothing would ever be preset in the "form agreement" that was in your favor or as discussed or "sold" to you; it would all have to get argued to get included explicitly. It's frustrating when someone promises something and yet can't commit in writing.

Besides contracts, which few will ever really enforce, actual ethical behavior is what's sorely needed. I remember visiting one cake vendor who rudely scoffed at our requests and said that she didn't want our business but if we forced her she would charge us $x (where x is an order of magnitude more than the next most expensive vendor). We also had one cake vendor who promised to do our cake but then bailed when we wanted to sign a contract ("sorry, got a celebrity wedding"). We even had our DJ bail on us the day before he was supposed to play ("sorry, stuck in Europe [partying]") -- it was a lot of fun hiring a new DJ on my wedding day.

I realize this post has somewhat of a ranting nature, but I know I'm not the only one who's felt this pain. It'd be one thing if the prices were low and I were dealing with shady vendors; it's unbelievable when it's with ostensibly high-quality vendors charging ridiculous prices. That really needs to change. People need to step up, and prices need to step down. 'nuff said.