Max Mednik

I recently got through listening to Anonymous Lawyer by Jeremy Blachman. It was a hilarious chronological collection of blog posts and emails by a (hopefully) fictional corporate attorney. I read it at the recommendation of some friends who swore by its accuracy, which certainly makes me quite worried about the state of the world. I really hope they're wrong.

What I liked about the story was just how insanely true to character the entire personal account is. It was like an actor who never got out of character.

The blog posts and emails paint the picture of a burned-out, highly elitist, highly racist, highly sexist, and highly egotistical hiring partner at a corporate law firm. His only goal in life is to become chairman of his law firm and gain power over others and prestige. In the story, he goes to all ends to do this, not stopping at lying, cheating, insulting, plotting a coup, or punishing others for anything and everything. The character's voice comes out so true in such ridiculous moments that it's a testament to the author's talents as a writer and imagination (I really hope it's all fiction). The story's strong voice continues even to the fake "anonymous" law firm website they set up for the book. I love the attention to detail and follow-through on the story. At certain moments it seems like the author is beating a dead horse, but mostly, it's funny (and disturbing).

In Russian, there is a saying that every joke has a sliver of truth. Therefore, I'm sure that while the story is exaggerated, there must be some semblance of truth in the character portrayed and the vividness of the power struggle. I wonder how much of this is generational. Will the new generation of attorneys (who grew up with social networking, care for world peace, volunteerism, organic food, importance of exercise, life balance, etc.) be different? Will there be a new, more high-tech, forward-thinking, human-friendly model for law firms in the near future? I certainly hope so.

Here are the perils and disturbing things I noted from this book:

• Extreme power hunger
• Extreme power hierarchy (paralegals, summer associates not treated like humans)
• Extreme racism (little room for minorities and fake shows of caring about diversity)
• Extreme wastefulness just for the sake of show (showy lunches and parties for recruiting or executive committee)
• Culture caring only about winning and beating competition
• Lying recruiters
• Zero respect for family
• Zero time for family
• Zero sense of cooperation as a team and no mention of trying to legitimately help clients
• Extreme incentive issues with hourly billing (funny story about billing 2 clients simultaneously for doing work on one client's case while flying on a trip to visit another; another funny story about taking very expensive restroom breaks for clients while doing some "thinking" about their case on the toilet)

I'm curious what young attorneys think about all this. My gut tells me our generation will be different. I believe no place or person out there is as bad as this story pretends, but I'm sure bits and pieces of this happen every day everywhere. It's our job (in law and outside it) to fix this and put in place a better culture.

I still can't believe I'm an adult. I feel like I'm constantly learning and constantly so much less knowledgeable or skilled than those I admire and aspire to be like. Growing up is hard; being an adult-sized kid is a lot more fun. (And our toys are bigger and cooler now that we've grown up.)

Inspired by the author of The Happiness Project, I decided to write down my own secrets or lessons of adulthood that I've gathered over time. I'm sure this list will expand and morph, and it'll be interesting to see how that happens.

1. Most often, the most likely explanation is the right one. But you have to be prepared to be wrong.
2. It's much better to feel pleasantly surprised than disappointed. That's why I always operate under the assumption I'm failing and can improve; if I succeed in something, that's then a pleasant surprise. So when I take a test, I always prepare for failure and assume I got a low or average grade; if that happens, it's as expected; if I do better, it's a pleasant surprise.
3. Find advisers and service providers you can trust. Life is a lot more fun and educational (and a business can grow a lot more quickly) when you have people you can trust to help you or give advice. Doing everything (or even most things) yourself is not the right answer.
4. People are so much more important than content. Huge business deals, politics, careers -- they're all driven so much more by who knows who and networking than by talent or merit. Talent and merit are required for execution, but people and personal connections are what create the opportunities for execution.
5. Everyone thinks about themselves so much more than they think about others; everyone is just as self-conscious as you are, even (sometimes especially) extremely beautiful women. So cut yourself some slack; no one will notice all the hundreds of things you're afraid they'll notice; they're too busy with themselves.
6. Enjoy life your way; you don't have to fit in all the time.
7. Do something extremely difficult every day. Do the most difficult, annoying, bothersome task on your list every day early. It's the only way to grow.
8. Exercise is a lot more fun when it's accompanied by really good music and/or a crazy instructor or buddy.
9. Nothing calms you down and reconnects you with nature like the ocean.
10. Step up; no one else will. 99% of people don't have their shit together enough to do what they promise. Learn what you don't know, do what you promise, and get difficult shit done off your tasks towards your long-term goals -- formula for success.

Inspired by the author of The Happiness Project, I decided to write down my own top personal commandments that came to mind quickly. I'm sure this list will change over time, and it'll be interesting to see how that happens.

1. Respect and support my family and close friends.
2. Nothing is more important than health.
3. Live life for today, and cherish each moment.
4. Love exists, and it's worth a lot of work.
5. Optimism is the best attitude; there is always room for hope, and a positive demeanor can lift spirits.
6. Show your talents through behavior; be modest in your words but not your actions.
7. Strive for perfection and optimization, but be wary of premature optimization, and be ok with satisficing when it doesn't really matter. (It feels sort of zen/yoga-ish to strive towards opposite, impossible goals, but that's what creates growth.)
8. Keep myself and others to the highest standards.
9. Learn to accept myself as enough.
10. Follow through on each and every promise.
11. Never miss an opportunity to be fabulous.
12. There is something to be learned from each and every living creature. There are many people in the world who are so vastly different from me, and that's cool.
13. There is way more that I don't know than I know, and there is way more that I don't even know that I don't know than I know.
14. Never discriminate or jump to conclusions; there are always multiple possible explanations, and I should acknowledge my many natural and unavoidable biases and consciously keep them in mind.
15. I can do anything with the right effort and the right people.
16. Money is earned so it can be spent, not hoarded. It should be enjoyed for what it can produce. It is earned only so it can be spent on things that make you or others happy (including by giving it away). It is only a means to an end; learning, growth, health, improving the lives of others, family, and happiness are the bigger goals in life.

Upon a friend's recommendation, I read Who: The A Method for Hiring by Geoff Smart and Randy Street. It was a quick, no-nonsense, super-specific book outlining exactly what you need to do hire A players for any team.

What I liked:

• Lots of details, down to specific questions and language
• Interesting and vivid examples
• Concise and to the point

What I didn't like:

• Not enough depth, alternatives, and ideas in the section on sourcing candidates
• Not enough information about how to apply and adapt the A method to different industries that may require industry-specific questions (like tech)

Overall, it was a great read, and I intend to put it into practice in the future. Below are my main notes on the book.

Introduction

• "Who" is more important than "what"
  

4 problem areas of hiring

• Lack of clarity on needs
  
• Lack of candidate flow
  
• Lack of trust in ability to differentiate candidates
  
• Letting slip candidates you really want

Ch. 1: Your #1 problem

• "Voodoo" hiring methods are what 90% of people use (gut instinct, non-structured interviews, random rules of thumb, intimidation and games, etc.)
  
• Finding A players is key
  
• Hiring wrong is much worse than waiting
  
• A player definition: someone who has 90% chance of accomplishing what only top 10% could accomplish
  

4 steps of A method

• Scorecard
  
• Source
  
• Select (structured interview)
  
• Sell
  

Ch. 2: Scorecard

• Blueprint for success
  
• Mission
  
• Outcomes
  
• Competencies
  
• Must define clearly what you want
  
• Mission is short exec summary of job
  
• Don't hire the generalist; hire the specialist
  
• Outcomes: 3-8 main specific points with numerical targets
  
• Competencies ensure behavioral fit
  
• Competencies define how you expect candidate to behave
  

Competencies (examples)

• Efficiency
  
• Honesty
  
• Organization
  
• Aggressiveness
  
• Follow-through on commitments
  
• Intelligence/quick learning
  
• Analytical skills
  
• Attention to detail
  
• Persistence
  
• Proactive
• Ability to hire A people
• Ability to develop and improve people
  
• Flexibility
  
• Calm
  
• Strategic thinking
  
• Creativity
  
• Enthusiasm
  
• Work ethic
  
• High standards
  
• Listening skills
  
• Openness to criticism
  
• Communication
  
• Teamwork
  
• Persuasion

• Use competencies as checklist during interview
• Cultural competencies
• Gather team in room and ask for one-word descriptions of company culture
• Use scorecards after hire and every year to define and track outcomes

How to create a scorecard

• Mission: 1-5 sentences on why position exists
• Outcomes: 2-3 outcomes specific
• Competencies: identify 5-8 for specific job and 5-8 for overall culture
• Test scorecard against business plan and current employees

Ch. 3: Source

• Recruiting should be a constant activity
  
• Identify "who" before they're needed
  
• Ads are bad for generating good candidates
  
• Ask for referrals from personal and professional networks
  

Top 5 methods

• Source from professional network
  
• Source from personal network
  
• Hire an external recruiter
  
• Hire a recruiting researcher
  
• Hire an internal recruiter

Sourcing

• Ask everyone you meet: Who are the most talented people you know that I should hire?
• Call new people you get referred every week
  
• Referrals from employees
  
• Advisory board that can introduce you to people
  
• External recruiters: must understand what you do and who you are
• Recruiting researchers: won't conduct interviews but will source candidates
• Sourcing systems: system to track every candidate
• Schedule 30 minutes every week to call top talent
  
• "Sue said you and I should connect. I understand you are great at what you do and I'm always on the lookout to meet talented people. Even if you are content with what you do, I would love to get the chance to talk."
  
• At end of call ask, "Now that you know a little about me, who are the most talented people you know who would be a good fit for my company?"
• Make a list of most talented people you know
• Call at least 1 per week and ask them who are the most talented people they know
  
• Add sourcing as an outcome for your employees; offer referral bonuses to employees
  
• Offer referral bounty to outsiders
  
• Use external recruiters and researchers who know your company
  
• Keep a sourcing tracking system
  

Ch. 3: Select: The 4 interviews for finding A players

• Screening interview
  
• Topgrading interview
  
• Focused interview
  
• Reference interview

Screening interview

• Phone call to remove B and C players
  
• No more than 30 min
  
• Only structured interview
  

1. What are your career goals


2. What are you really good at professionally

• Get 8-12 strengths with examples
  

3. What are you not so good at or not interested in doing professionally

• Push for real area for development
  
• If give cookie cutter weakness answer, say, "That sounds like a strength. What are you really not so good at?"
  
• If need to, say, "If you advance to the next stage of our process, we will want your help in setting up some reference calls with bosses, peers, and subordinates. OK?" And then ask, "How would they answer about your weaknesses?"
  

4. Who were your last 5 bosses and how would they rate you on a 1-10 scale when we talk to them?

• Ask for details and reasons
  
• Looking for 8-10 rating; 7 is neutral; 6 or lower means screen out
  
• Give overall plan for interview at beginning: spend 20 minutes getting to know them and then 10 minutes answering questions about the company

• Compare call results to scorecard
  
• If any hesitation, screen out
  
• Get curious; start additional questions with "what/how/tell me more"
  

Topgrading interview

• Use data and patterns of behavior
  
• Go through past jobs and ask the following questions

1. What were you hired to do?

2. What accomplishments are you most proud of?

3. What were some low points during that job?

4. Who were the people you worked with?

• Boss name and spelling
  
• What was it like working for him?
  
• What would he say were your strengths and areas of improvement?
  
• TORC framework: threat of reference check
  
• How would you rate the team you inherited on an ABC scale?
  
• What changes did you make?
  
• Did you hire anyone?
  
• Did you fire anyone?
  
• How would you rate the team on an ABC scale when left it?
  

5. Why did you leave the job?

• A players leave job when they want to grow
  
• B players nudged out

• Ask these 5 questions for every job in past 10 years
  
• First divide resume into chapters of 3-5 years
  
• Ask above questions of each chapter in chronological order
  
• Topgrading interview takes 60-90 minutes
  
• Conduct interview with a second interviewer
  

"Thank you for visiting us today. We are going to do a chronological interview and walk through each job you've held. For each job, I'm going to ask you 5 core questions: What were... (and repeat all of them). At the end of the interview, we will discuss your career goals and aspirations. At the end you'll have a chance to ask me questions. 80% of the process is in this room, and if we decide to continue, we will conduct reference calls. Finally, while it may seem like a lengthy interview, the time will go by quickly, and I will want to make sure you're able to get across all the important stories and examples of your past. I will be in charge of our pace, sometimes going deeper into a subject and sometimes keeping us moving along. I'll make sure we leave enough time to cover your most recent and most relevant experience. Do you have any questions about the process?"

Master tactics

1. Interrupt the candidate

• Use reflective listening
  
• Match mood and tone and say, "Wow, that sounds like (insert words they said).... Now, you were just telling me about the (what you want to hear)...."
  

2. 3 P's to judge results

• Ask for performance compared to previous year
  
• Ask for performance compared to plan
  
• Ask for performance compared to peers
  

3. Push vs. pull

• People who perform well pulled to good opportunities
  

4. Painting a picture

• Go into enough detail so you can actually see picture of how they would behave
  

5. Stopping at stop signs

• Notice inconsistency between words and body language and when it happens get curious and ask deeper questions
  

The focused interview: Getting to know more

• Involve other team members in the process
  

1. The purpose of this interview is to talk about (specific outcome or competency).

2. What are your biggest accomplishments in this area in your career?

3. What are your insights into the biggest mistakes and lessons learned in this area?

• Like behavioral interview but focused specifically on scorecard outcomes and competencies
  
• Split up competencies to several interviewers, 30-45 min each focused interview
  
• At least one cultural fit interview per candidate
  

Typical interview day

• 8:30-8:45: Team meeting (scorecard, resume, responsibilities)
• 8:45-9:00: Greet and orient to day and company
  
• 9:00-12:00: Topgrading interview (hiring manager and 1 colleague, 90-180 min)
• 12:00-1:30: Lunch (team members not interviewing take to lunch, informal)
• 1:30-4:30: Focused interviews (1-3 team members conduct focused interviews on their assigned portions of the scorecard)
• 4:30-4:45: Host thanks candidate and explains next steps
  
• 4:45-5:30: Candidate discussion
  
• Examine strengths and weaknesses on scorecard according to gathered data
  
• Hiring manager decides whether to proceed with reference calls or terminate process
  

Reference interview: Testing what you learn

• Never skip

1. Pick the right references

• Not just the list they give

2. Ask candidate to set up reference call schedule

3. You do 3 interviews of bosses and ask colleagues to do 2 interviews of colleagues/customers and 2 interviews of subordinates

Reference interview questions:

1. In what context did you work with candidate?

2. What were their biggest strengths?

3. What were their biggest weaknesses back then?

4. Rate their performance on a 1-10 scale. Why?

• 6 really means 2
  
• Look for discrepancy with self-rating
  
• Need 8-10
  

5. Candidate mentioned he struggled with (x) during that job. Can you tell me more about that? Candidate mentioned u might say he was (weakness). Could you tell me more about that?

• Ask for multiple examples, be curious
  
• Find out how candidate interacts with much lower subordinates
  
• Reference who hesitates is bad; get curious and find out why
  
• Must be an enthusiastic reference to be positive
  

Rate candidate on Skill-Will

• Skill: for each scorecard outcome, give an A if has 90% chance of making it
  
• Will: ABC rating on each scorecard competency
  

Red flags: When to dive beneath surface

• Does not mention past failures
  
• Exaggerates answers
  
• Takes credit for others' work
  
• Speaks poorly of past bosses
  
• Cannot explain job moves
  
• Has never hired or fired
  
• More interested in comp and benefits
  
• Self-absorbed
  

Behavioral warning signs

• From the book: What got you here won't get you there
  
• Winning too much; desire to win more important than results
  
• Too much about me and my ideas
  
• Bad mouthing colleagues
  
• Blaming
  
• Making excuses
  
• Excessive need to "just be me," "way I am" (instead of open to adapting and learning)
  

Decide

• If you have no As, go back to step 2 (source)
  
• If you have an A, hire him/her
  
• If you have multiple As, rank them and hire the best
  

Ch. 5: Sell: The top 5 ways to seal the deal

5 F's of what candidates care about

Fit

• Where we are going
  
• How you fit in
  
• Explain how they fit in and what you learned from interviews on their fit
  
• Explain fit from their perspective on how this fits in their goals
  

Family

• Helping make job transition as smooth as possible for all involved
  
• Recruit spouses and personally welcome family
  

Freedom

• Autonomy to make own decisions and not be micromanaged
  
• Left alone to excel
  

Fortune

• Stability of company and financial upside
  
• Rarely the key motivator
  
• Link bonuses to scorecard performance
  

Fun

• Work environment and personal relationships candidate will make
  

5 ways of selling


1. When you source

• Understand where someone's interest in 5 F's is
  

2. When you interview

3. Between offer and acceptance

• Don't leave alone so can "think"
  

4. Between acceptance and first day

• Celebrate acceptance with gift and balloons
  

5. During first 100 days

• Early months critical

Ch. 6: Your greatest opportunity

Installing the A method in your organization

1. Make people the top priority
2. Follow A method yourself
3. Build support in team
4. Pass clear vision to team based on A players
5. Train team on best practices
6. Remove barriers/policies in way
7. Implement new policies and scorecards including recruiting A players

• Every job requisition requires a scorecard
  
• Every scorecard includes reaching "90% A" language by a certain date
  
• Every offer preceded by topgrading interview 
  

8. Reward those who use A method
9. Remove managers who are not on board
10. Celebrate wins and plan for more change

Legal cautions

1. Relevance

• Do not reject on basis of irrelevant info
  

2. Standardize process across groups

3. Standardize language used

4. Avoid specific discrimination questions that are illegal

I recently discovered Leninade soda, and it was the highlight of my day. The soda was alright, but the bottle design was hilarious -- so many little nuanced jokes and plays on words.

My wife also recently found Russian Guy/Girl Problems (and their respective Facebook groups: M/F), and we laughed literally for 45 minutes straight the first time we reviewed those sites. (We later contributed a handful of our own nuggets of wisdom.)

There's just something so funny in our experiences that are so different from mainstream American family lives. Laughing at ourselves about these differences unites us together and helps us feel like we're not alone in fending off bags of food from our parents or extra jackets to wear. I believe that every culture has these little "weirdnesses," and I'd love to hear how other cultures might be similar to or different from Russian in their attitudes towards food, children, dating, etc. I would bet the similarities outweigh the differences.

So off the top of my head, here are my top 10 "common" Russian experiences ("problemi") that resonate with me most. Not everything I list is my own personal experience or representative of my family; some of them are, and some of them are more general impressions I get from talking with friends. Leave a comment to share your own experiences (or your reaction).

1. Exotic food. The top concern of any day, any person, any babushka. What did you eat today? Everyone eats these foods at least weekly; how could you not? 

• Ikra (caviar)
• Borscht (beet soup)
• Salat olivye (potato salad)
• Kislaya kapusta (cole slaw)
• Katleti s kartoshkoy (meatloaf with potatoes)
• Jarkoye (meat with sauce)
• Hren (horseradish)
• Yazik (cow tongue)
• Plof (rice pilaf)
  
• Holodets (chicken jello with eggs)
• Vareniki (dumplings)
• Puree (mashed potatoes)
• Grechnivaya kasha (buckwheat)

2. Vodka on the tables at parties (like weddings). You know it's a Russian event if there are several bottles of liquor on every table. Waiters are too slow to keep up with the Russian pace of drinking, so it's a self-service policy. Oh, and don't forget plates of food stacking on each other no less than 3 levels high, and obnoxiously loud music in the Russian nightclub (and crowds of people who should shower instead of using cologne prior to going out).

3. Hyper-involved parents. Until you are 100 years old and both of your parents have passed away, you can expect your phone to ring at least 3 times per day with urgent inquiries into your health, location, recent food consumption, and plans for all of the above for the next 2 hours until the next call. I know people who are 50, 60, 70 years old and whose parents are still calling to see if they got to their destination safely. This is obviously charming and well-intentioned, and it warms my heart to feel loved. But sometimes, it's a bit too much (like when your mom texts you on a date asking you if you brought a jacket).

Every detail of your life becomes a source for panic. One of my favorite worries is the skvaznyak (draft), like when there's a window or door open and some slight breeze coming through the house. This can sometimes be cause for the loudest yelling you've ever heard.

4. Super strict laws on relationships. Sure, they'll entertain your fancies to date people you want to according to higher-level traits like "personality," but this is all a sham; all that matters in the end is that you date someone of the same ethnic background and without question religion. Oh, and you must get married soon and have kids.

5. You can have any job, as long as it's lawyer or doctor.

6. Your mother's only happy if you're fat and hot. (Feeding you enough and ensuring you are warm are the top concerns of every mother.)

7. Clothing should be nice, upscale, and certainly not raggedy or "street"-looking. After all, you never know who you'll run into from the "community," and you can't embarrass the family. We even have a saying for when we see each other: "nashi lyudi v Hollywoodi" (our people in Hollywood -- but it rhymes nicely in Russian). Oh, and don't forget to take a jacket (even if it's 100 degrees or you're in Las Vegas).

8. Family respect is as important as if you're an Italian mafioso. Daily phone calls to all family members and weekly visits are the norm. Every time you visit someone, you fix their VCR programming, internet, and check their mail and bills. That's just what family members do for each other. Oh, and they make you sit down for "chai" and eat. The "You're not hungry and you're vegetarian? OK, I make you lamb" part from My Big Fat Greek Wedding is exactly what I'm talking about.

9. Don't you dare break a superstition. Too many to keep track of; I keep learning new ones every year I had never heard of. Here's a sampler:

• Not allowed to cut your nails after it's dark.
• Can't come home after you left. If have to come home because forgot something, have to look in the mirror.
• Can't wear clothing inside out. If you do, have to step on it three times.
• Can't step on someone's foot. If you do, they have to step on you back.
• Must sit down in silence before a trip.
• Turn over a glass if you misplace something.
• Spit on someone when they're yawning.

10. Respect your tradition. It's ok to laugh at yourself, but in the end, we have tremendous respect for our family members and the immigrants who risked their lives and left everything behind to come to America. We have a rich cultural (and food) history, and that deserves to be kept alive and passed on from generation to generation.

I hope you're hungry (because just writing this is making me salivate).

No shame: I love chocolate, and for me, dessert is the main course. I feel like waiters are wasting their time asking, "Save room for dessert?" I always think, "Who wouldn't?"

Grouped by category, below are some of my most favorite chocolate desserts of all time.

Hot chocolate

1. Abuela. Somewhat spicy and exotic, this is like no other hot cocoa. I've had this one at home and in restaurants, and it's always nice. In terms of more traditional hot chocolates, I had some of the best at a takeout counter in Dublin, but Abuela can be found much more readily and is quite different than you'd expect. After all, if Mexican cuisine includes chocolate as a regular part of the main course preparation (like for mole), it's clear they know what they're talking about. I also like that "abuela" means "grandma;" it makes the brand feel warm and cozy.

Brownies

2. The Farm at Beverly Hills. Any restaurant whose domain name includes the word "brownies" is clearly serious about dessert. Try a brownie sundae here, and you'll know why. Life-affirming -- delicious. The Farm's brownies are dense and sprinkled with a light dusting of powdered sugar. "Moist, dark, and fudgy in the middle, they have a light crisp top crust and melt on your tongue" is what Los Angeles Magazine wrote in 2005 when naming them the "Best Brownies in Los Angeles."

3. Ghirardelli Chocolate Caramel Turtle Brownies. I blogged about this before. Make 'em at home, and you won't save any for tomorrow.

Cake

4. The Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Changs. Insanely large portion, and it keeps quite well in the fridge for almost a week. I also love the tangy raspberry sauce it comes with. For me, a cake must strike the perfect balance between spongy hardness and softness and include enough filling to make it just moist enough. This cake does just that. From the menu: "Six rich layers of frosted chocolate cake topped with semi-sweet chocolate chips, served with fresh berries and raspberry sauce."

Soufflé

5. Moustache Cafe. This place is unfortunately closed, but it served for many years as my favorite restaurant, simply because of its breathtaking soufflé. This dessert is so hard to cook to get "just right" (I tried learning how to do it in a college cooking class), and this restaurant was able to do it perfectly every time.

6. Grand Lux Cafe. This one is not a traditional French soufflé but a "chocolate molten cake." That dessert has grown in popularity quite a bit over the last 10 years (to my satisfaction), and Grand Lux Cafe is my favorite one of this variety. I love breaking the outer shell and seeing piping hot chocolate ooze out.

7. Mulholland Grill. The menu description of their "chocolate truffle" dessert almost suffices to describe the amazingness of this dessert: "hot, dark Godiva chocolate oozes out! Served over homemade vanilla gelato. Also available in hot, white Perugina chocolate."

An honorable mention in the soufflé category is CPK with its "chocolate soufflé cake." This one is neither the French traditional version nor the molten cake version but sort of a hybrid between those and a brownie; for a mainstream chain restaurant, though, it's pretty darn good.

Other

8. Chocolate churros at Red O. I came here for my anniversary, and the food exceeded my expectations. The "Just-Made Churros" dessert was excellent: "golden-crunchy outside, creamy within, served with warn chocolate-Kahlua dipping sauce." These churros are not like in the theme park; they are softer and so much more flavorful.

9. Chocolate macarons at Paulette. These are the best French-style macarons in the world. They were the party favors at our wedding, and each macaron is so flavorful that it captures your entire attention every time you take a bite.

10. Chocolate Disco Crêpe at Harajuku Crêpe. Don't be fooled by the size of this place; it is no match for the heart and creativity of its owner and cook that mans the crêpe machine all day and evening. Having done a social anthropological study of the culture of crêpes in college, I've been lucky enough to eat crêpes in many shapes and sizes all over the world, and they are definitely one of my favorite foods (it's so neat having an entire meal of savory plus sweet crêpes). What I love about Harajuku is that it takes an ancient French food and turns it upside down, imbibes it with Japanese flair, and makes it even more delicious.

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the audio version of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Like books by Gary Vaynerchuk, it was read by the author, which added richness to the experience.

There were a lot of good examples in each chapter of behaviors the author tried, and I liked her overall objective of learning about and experimenting with happiness within the context of her current life situation. It was exactly the blend of psychology and philosophy that I enjoy. I especially enjoyed her use of quotes that inspired her and scientific studies that backed up some of the practices she tried. (There were also several points in the book when she sounded like one of my MBA profs -- perhaps she also got an MBA at some point or just read a lot of business books!)

Overall, through her journey in the book, the author came to learn "Four Splendid Truths" about happiness:

Four Splendid Truths

1. To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
2. One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
3. The days are long, but the years are short.
4. You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

It was also neat to hear about her own "Personal Commandments" and "Secrets of Adulthood" -- a lot of these (and the splendid truths) resonate with me.

Twelve Personal Commandments

1. Be Gretchen.
   
2. Let it go.
   
3. Act the way I want to feel.
   
4. Do it now.
   
5. Be polite and be fair.
   
6. Enjoy the process.
   
7. Spend out.
   
8. Identify the problem.
   
9. Lighten up.
   
10. Do what ought to be done.
    
11. No calculation.
12. There is only love.
    

Secrets of Adulthood

• The best reading is re-reading.
  
• Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  
• The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  
• You manage what you measure.
  
• By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  
• People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  
• It's nice to have plenty of money.
  
• Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  
• Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  
• Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  
• If you can't find something, clean up.
  
• The days are long, but the years are short.
  
• Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  
• Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  
• It's okay to ask for help.
  
• You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  
• Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  
• What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  
• You don't have to be good at everything.
  
• Soap and water removes most stains.
  
• It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  
• You know as much as most people.
  
• Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  
• Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  
• What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  
• People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  
• Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  
• If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  
• No deposit, no return.
  

Below are my main notes from the book.


Introduction

• Preparation
  
• Making resolutions
  
• Keeping resolutions
  

Getting started

• Midlife malaise
  
• Learn to feel grateful for ordinary day
  
• Dedicated a year to learning to be happy
  
• Decided on top 12 resolutions, one per month (reminds me of Mussar!)
  
• Working on your own happiness allows you to be a better person for others

Ch. 1: January

• Boost energy
  
• Vitality
  
• Go to sleep earlier
  
• Exercise better
  
• Toss, restore, organize
  
• Tackle a nagging task
  
• Act more energetic
  
• 1 hr. of sleep increases happiness more than $60K raise
  
• Keep the lights low around bedtime
  
• Get ready for bed well before bedtime
  
• Carried pedometer which motivated her to exercise (sounds like my FitBit!)
  
• Exercise boosts thinking
  
• Clear visible and psychic clutter
  
• Do what ought to be done (Be a man! Do the right thing!)
  
• Aspirational clutter, outgrown clutter, buyers-remorse clutter
  
• Donated and threw away a ton of clothes
  
• Nothing makes you more happy than an organized medicine cabinet
  
• 4 thermometer syndrome
  
• Don't postpone any task that takes 1 min
  
• 10 min tidying before bed
  
• Unfinished tasks also drain energy
  
• Act the way I want to feel
  
• Fake feelings until feel them

Ch. 2: February

• Remember love
  
• Marriage
  
• Quit nagging
  
• Don't expect praise or appreciation
  
• Fight right
  
• No dumping
  
• Give proofs of love
  
• Need many small positive interactions to offset one negative
  
• Partners' health and happiness converge
  
• No dumping of worries or minor troubles on partner
  
• Week of extreme nice
  
• Play one outdoor and one indoor game together
  
• Review resolutions each day and mark with checks (like Franklin)
  
• To be happy, need to feel good, feel less bad, and feel right in an atmosphere of growth
  
• Happiness is growth, striving for goals

Ch. 3: March

• Aim higher
  
• Work
  
• Launch a blog
  
• Enjoy the fun of failure
  
• Ask for help
  
• Work smart
  
• Enjoy now
  
• Happy people work more and better with others
  
• Was lawyer before chose to be writer to follow own desire
  
• Challenge and novelty give satisfaction (like blog)
  
• Small daily task more important than big single efforts

Ch. 4: April

• Lighten up
  
• Parenthood
  
• Sing in the morning
  
• Acknowledge reality of people's feelings
  
• Be a treasure house of happy memories
  
• Take time for projects
  
• Fog happiness: hard to see when up close but believe it's there
  
• Literally sing to kids in morning
  
• Make rhyming jokes instead of nagging
  
• Write down kids' feelings, literally repeat what they say so they feel heard
  
• If don't have solution, say will think about it
  
• Keep happy memories vivid, reminisce, keep mementos
  
• Happy experience: anticipate, savor, express appreciation, reminisce

Ch. 5: May

• Be serious about play
  
• Leisure
  
• Find more fun
  
• Take time to be silly
  
• Go off the path
  
• Start a collection
  
• You don't have to find fun the way others do
  
• Challenging, accommodating, relaxing fun
  
• Find happiness no matter what's around you

Ch. 6: June

• Find time for friends
  
• Remember birthdays
  
• Be generous
  
• Show up
  
• Don't gossip
  
• Make 3 new friends
  
• Number of friends biggest predictor of happiness
  
• Must have 5 true confidants
  
• Connect people to each other

Ch. 7: July

• Buy some happiness
  
• Money
  
• Indulge in a modest splurge
  
• Buy needed things
  
• Spend out
  
• Give something up
  
• Happiness from buying and from choosing not to buy

Ch. 8: August

• Contemplate the heavens
  
• Eternity
  
• Read memoirs of catastrophe
  
• Keep a gratitude notebook
  
• Imitate a spiritual master
  
• The days are long but the years are short
  
• Live in moment of present
  
• Inevitability of loss and death
  
• One sentence journal to keep record of experience and thoughts

Ch. 9: September

• Pursue a passion
  
• Books
  
• Write a novel in a month
  
• Make time
  
• Forget about results
  
• Master a new technology
  
• Accept own interests
  
• Compile own books and photo albums
  
• Self-publish (Lulu)
  
• Best occupations those that are least forced
  
• You're happy if you think you're happy

Ch. 10: October

• Pay attention
  
• Mindfulness
  
• Meditate on koans (Zen enigmatic phrases)
  
• Examine true rules (rules you live by or believe are behind proper behavior)
  
• Stimulate the mind in new ways
  
• Keep a food diary
  
• True rules: personal ideas on rules of life
  
• Play a hypnosis tape
  
• Laughter yoga
  
• "Drawing on the right side of the brain" class
  
• Music
  

Ch. 11: November

• Keep a contented heart
  
• Attitude
  
• Laugh out loud
  
• Use good manners
  
• Give positive reviews
  
• Find an area of refuge
  

Ch. 12: December

• Bootcamp perfect
  
• Follow all resolutions all the time
  
• Most important part of year: keeping and reviewing resolutions chart daily